My Lament

Over the past few weeks I have noticed that I have been increasingly easily angered. I am still trying to “be patient” about my SIM card not working. I am sitting at the service center for the 5th time as I write. But that is not the reason for all of my pent up anger. I realized that there were several things I was constantly anxious about and several things that, quite frankly, I was angry about toward God. A good friend encouraged me to take time to write out a prayer of lament to deal with some of my pent up anger and anxiety. 

I knew this would take some time to process, so I decided that I needed an afternoon alone. On a day that I did not have any afternoon classes to teach and our house was going to be empty, I scheduled time to lament. My friend gave me an activity from a Trauma Healing training to work through. It talked about the different components of a lament in Scripture. Looking at Psalm 13 as an example, It walked through the various components of a lament. There are basically two essentials. The first is that you are talking to God directly and the second is that you bring your complaint. Often there is repentance and an acknowledgment of God’s goodness, but not always. 

Growing up as a “good Christian girl,” the idea of complaining to God just feels a bit weird. I often think I’m supposed to “rejoice always.” I’m supposed to believe truth about how God is good and uses all things for our good and His glory. I’m supposed to speak truth to myself and believe it. The problem is that I struggle with all of those things. And when I try to take a short cut and jump right to what I am “supposed” to do, think and feel, I end up stuffing my true struggles and faking that I am fine. But when I end up shouting at my kids and am angry at the world, I realize that I am not “fine.” 

So I wrote out my lament, my complaints to God. It was good for my soul. I told him all the things that feel so wrong and grieve my heart. I told him that I sometimes feel like he hasn’t heard my concerns. After exhausting myself with writing my lament, I rested a bit. Then I decided that I needed to actually speak the words aloud to the Lord. For me, sometimes I am not able to fully process without speaking aloud. I was thankful that I had found a time when others weren’t around so that I could feel free to speak my complaints and concerns to God. Even as I spoke my concerns, truths about his loving care for me and my family came to mind. After writing and then speaking my own personal lament, I decided to use the psalms to further express my feelings to the Lord. 

As I read through several of the Psalms, I was sometimes surprised at how bluntly David spoke to God. The Bible tells us that David was a “man after God’s own heart,” and he often brought his complaints to the Lord. The Trauma Healing material says that more of the psalms are laments (67) than any other type. I took some time and wrote out all the things I read that resonated with my soul from several psalms. I also wrote the truths about God that I wanted to cling to even when I am struggling to believe. It was very helpful to me. I don’t feel like I am “all better” and over the grief and struggles I have, but I do feel less angry. And I do believe that God has heard my cry. 

I don’t know what you may be struggling with right now. In this broken world, we all have struggles. But I want to encourage you to pour out your heart to God. He hears you. He sees you. And he wants your heart. 

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemies say, ‘I have prevailed over him,’ lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.” (Psalm 13)