Giving Thanks in the Midst of Political Unrest

 Wednesday was quite a day! It began as a normal school day. The students arrived at school and we began our classes. At some point we became aware that the opposition candidate for the presidency here in Uganda was arrested. This isn't the first time. There are currently laws against campaigning since that would gather crowds and potentially spread COVID. This was apparently the reason for the police detaining the candidate this time. Many who support this opposition candidate began protesting and rioting as a result of all of this. Since this occurred in Jinja, our nearest town, there was quite a bit of unrest there. The police then began releasing tear gas around town in order to restore order. While the tear gas dispersed the crowds, they shifted to other locations which prevented or complicated movement around town. 

When it was time for our students to be dismissed, order had not been restored in town, so we kept the students here. Our school is out of town in a village in the midst of sugarcane fields. We have a peaceful environment and are not a location where protesting and rioting is likely. I was so thankful that our students were able to stay with us in a safe place and just play or hang out until things settled down in town. The students seemed to be excited to be able to have more time together. It was an unexpected blessing. While some students were concerned for their parents, we were able to provide some fun diversions with games, music and snacks. 

While afterward I was exhausted, this crazy day reminded me that we have so much for which to give thanks. I am thankful for the opportunity to live in a peaceful rural village where we do not have to deal with as many political issues. I am thankful for teachers working with us who are willing to stick around and help our students have fun on a stressful day. I am thankful for a missionary team that is like family with whom we could process some of the events of the day during devotions together that evening. I am thankful that during the lockdown, we found ways to get things from town without having to go in person, which will be helpful if there is any further political unrest. I am thankful that COVID-19 has not caused a significant amount of illness or death here in Uganda. I am thankful that we will be able to celebrate an American style Thanksgiving with our missionary team. And I am thankful that in the midst of the many challenges of 2020, God has still given us the chance to serve here in Uganda. God is good, all the time! And all the time, God is good!

Giving Thanks in Difficult Times

Yesterday I called my parents and found that they were on the way to the emergency room. It is concerning any time loved ones need to go to the hospital. These days it seems even more complicated and distressing with COVID concerns and fewer people being allowed to enter the hospital. As I spoke with my parents, they told me about all the people with whom they had consulted to determine if they needed to go to the hospital. I was so very thankful and encouraged by the support they have. Being across the ocean from family is hard, but knowing that they have an amazing community through their church and my brothers being there has meant so much. My dad needed to have an emergency surgery that went smoothly and he is now in recovery. He is doing well and should be discharged tomorrow. 

This is a photo from when my parents came to visit us in Uganda several years back

While God did not choose to prevent this emergency, he did provide so many graces in the midst. During this month of November, I like to remind myself of  the many things for which I can give thanks. In this situation, I am thankful for my sister-in-law who was able to advise them about where best to go for medical attention. I’m thankful for other medical personnel who advised them to go to the hospital. It probably took a good amount of convincing to get my dad to the hospital. I am thankful that within one day, the hospital staff was able to diagnose and surgically resolve the issue without complications. I am thankful for the ability to call and text across the ocean. I am thankful for my mom to be able to be with friends through the day and tonight since she was not permitted to be in the hospital with my dad. I am also thankful that God has given me a loving, supportive father who gives me a little picture of God's love for me. I am thankful that God has chosen to give us more years together. I am thankful for God reminding us that we are not in control in this crazy world, but that He is. While it is challenging to walk through some of these scary days, I am thankful that God is still in control. He is teaching me to trust him in the midst of the storms. It feels like I am a pretty slow learner, but He is a patient teacher. 

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God, in Christ Jesus for you." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

While I feel called to focus on giving thanks in this circumstance, I also acknowledge that I have friends who are grieving right now. God also calls us to "weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15) Sometimes, I am tempted to tell myself that I "should" give thanks, even when there is something to weep over. Somehow, God calls us to do both. Even Jesus wept. (John 11:35) If you are in a season of grief, please do not hear me say, "buck up." I believe that though it seems contradictory, God calls us to both weep and give thanks. Often for me, it looks like taking time to grieve and then asking God to help me see his goodness in the midst of the challenges. May our gracious Lord give us the faith to trust in him as we walk through this broken world and grieve and cling more tightly to him, giving him thanks.

Immanuel in the Midst of Isolation

 Over the course of one week, we have had so much upheaval. Last Saturday, we got word that some of our school families had been in contact with an individual who tested positive for COVID-19. Because we live and work on a campus with medically fragile, vulnerable children, and our school family also has some vulnerable members, we have to be very careful about any exposure. We decided to switch to distance learning for the upcoming week as we waited for test results from those in our school community that had been in contact with the infected individual. We also needed to reschedule parent teacher conferences and decided to do those meetings via zoom. We quickly realized that the exposure was more significant than we originally thought, and many of our school families had been in direct contact with either the original individual or other contacts who later tested positive. 

On Monday, we were notified that one of our students tested positive. The student had no symptoms at the time and was in good health, but we still realized that others in our school had potential exposure. We have many protocols in place to prevent the spread of illness at our school including frequent handwashing, sanitizing surfaces, masks and distancing. Even though we believed that contact through school was highly unlikely, we needed to let the school families know about the possible exposure and also notified the GSF COVID response team. Since our son, Zeke, is in class with the student who tested positive, we were asked to test Zeke and for our family to isolate from the rest of the GSF community for 2 weeks. Zeke had no symptoms, and the rest of our family had no contact with the student, but we wanted to respect the wishes of the COVID response team. The district health office heard about the case and closed the primary school that meets on a different part of our campus. The students do not have any contact between the schools due to COVID precautions, but they still sent all of the primary school students home indefinitely. A team of officials came out to our campus and met with David and GSF administration. Although we were expecting them all day, the officials did not arrive until 7pm and met with our team for an hour and a half. In the end, they came up with some additional precautionary measures to put in place and said that if there has not been further spread, the primary school can reopen the following Monday, and our school can reopen on Nov. 2. Here in Uganda, the only students who are currently permitted to attend school are those in International schools and candidate classes (those finishing Primary school, Secondary school or University.) The cases of COVID are very low here, and the restrictions have been very intense. 

A week after Zeke's last class with the infected student, someone came out to our campus from a lab in Jinja that does COVID testing. Because the administration did not want the testing company to pass through campus, they asked us to meet them at the chapel. The test was not too bad for Zeke, but apparently those who saw Zeke being tested believed that he was sick. Word passed through the local villages and the story grew. Apparently now, many people believe our whole family has COVID. I later received phone calls and messages from people who had heard various reports about our family. I am thankful that people were concerned and checking on us. The next day we got the results that Zeke tested negative. I was very relieved. All the other students who tested were also negative. It has now been 11 days since the last time we saw the student, and our family is required to remain isolated from others at GSF for 3 more days. I am weary and struggling with another period of isolation. It makes me sad feeling like those in our community want to avoid us. I know that is only because of fear. Our family already sticks out and is treated differently due to our skin color. Being a minority who stands out in every crowd can be draining. Now that many are afraid of us due to this COVID scare, I am getting a tiny taste of what some African Americans have described. It feels isolating and lonely. 

Loneliness has been an emotion I have really struggled with recently. I have been reflecting on what it means that Jesus is "Immanuel, God with us." (Isaiah 7:14) The theological meaning is that Jesus was fully human and fully God. That was necessary for him to redeem us. He took our sin and gave us his righteousness through his death and resurrection. But those truths have much more than simply theological implications. Jesus, as a human, walked through this life being different than those around him. He did not fit. He often took time away to go to a solitary place to pray. (Luke 5:16) In my times of loneliness, I need to remember to do the same. I also need to remember that Jesus said to his disciples and by extension, us, "Surely, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20) Even when I feel alone in this world, my Savior knows and has experienced the struggles of this life. (Hebrews 2:17-18) He is where I can find "mercy and comfort in my time of need." (Hebrews 4:14-16) In this crazy year of 2020, many of us have struggled with various emotions. I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has felt lonely at times. I pray that we all will remember that Jesus is Immanuel, God with us, and be comforted by the peace he brings us through prayer and through his presence.

The Thing I Hate about Living in Uganda

 Last night I got a message from my brother that my grandfather passed away. I knew that this was coming as he had been on hospice care and had recently been upgraded to 24/7 care. I had each member of our family send him a video a few weeks ago. I knew he wouldn't necessarily know who we were, but he loved smiling faces and family videos. This was my only way to say goodbye. I hate being so far away that I cannot be with my family at times like this. When we visited the United States at Christmas time, I saw how much his health had declined since the last time I saw him. I knew that it was probably my last chance to hug him when I said goodbye. But it still hurts so much. I have said goodbye to three grandparents this way and my heart breaks every time. Of course, anytime we lose a loved one, it is a time of grief. But I have found that this grief from a distance really stinks! I cannot be there to hug and comfort my parents. I cannot help with the arrangements or the funeral. I'm not with my family to sit and talk about how much he meant to us all. I'm also not there to share the funny stories about his sweet tooth or his flirting with the nurses when we need a break from the grief. 

It has occurred to me that many people are also experiencing this inability to be with loved ones during grief in the midst of this COVID pandemic. I know that now, even people who live in the same country may not feel free to travel for a loved one's last days or a funeral. Particularly if the loved one is in the hospital. I am thankful that the facility where my grandfather has been for the past several years allowed my parents and my brothers to be with him during his last days. I'm thankful that they were able to talk with me about their visits and how the hospice workers were managing his pain and praying with him. But I hate that I am not there. 

Don't misunderstand; I love where I live. I love my work and the families were are able to serve here. I love my neighbors. I love that I live on campus with children who need to be shown the love of Christ and we get to be a small part of that. I love that we can empower women in our village by buying their crafts and equipping them with God's Word. I love that we have been able to open our home here to some kids who need family. I love getting to teach mathematics to kids from a variety of backgrounds. I love Ugandan culture and the hospitality and patience of the people here. I love living in a tropical climate and the beauty of this country! I love that as we were having lunch with our teachers, we were interrupted by monkeys fighting over jackfruit from the tree next to us. I love the sense of community and family we have here in our village, on our missionary team, in our house church, and with our school families. But I am still sad that I am not with my family at this time. 

Since I cannot sit around with my family talking about my Grandpa Franklin, I thought I would write one of the things that I loved about him. Grandpa Franklin was an amazingly cheerful and thankful old man. He would talk about how great and healthy he felt, how he didn't need any pills and how he hadn't been sick a day in his life. Not much of that was actually true, but that was his perspective. He had such a sunny disposition and was always pleasant to visit. When I was in high school I used to go visit several people at the nursing facility where my great-grandmother lived. In general, when people are old and in pain, they are not so cheerful. They do love visitors though. I cannot think of anyone I've met in all my years of visiting several different nursing homes who was as cheerful and positive as my Grandpa. I hope that as I age, I will continue to grow in thankfulness and cheerfulness to be more like him. 

While I am grieving and I hate that I cannot be with my family in this time of loss, I want to ask God to give me the thankful heart that He gave to my Grandpa Franklin. It is my hope that even though "weeping may last for the night, joy will come in the morning." (Psalms 30:5) I am thankful that my Grandpa knew Jesus and now he is no longer in pain. He doesn't even have to experience this weeping for the night that we experience right now. He is in the presence of the Lord where there are no more tears, or pain, or death. (Rev. 21:4) My Grandpa's joy is now complete! And even though I miss him and hate not being with my family right now, I will trust God to give us all his peace and even joy in the midst of this pain. 

Preparing for the Unknown

This COVID-19 pandemic has changed the way we all look at the future. There are so many things that we thought we could plan. For example, will we be meeting with our students in person or only through distance learning? We are scheduled to begin our next semester in 3 weeks and we are trying to plan for the unknown. Here in Uganda, the government has not given schools permission to reopen. We have seen other countries that have reopened only to close after having significant outbreaks at schools. It is difficult to know what to expect.

In addition to these unknown factors, we are waiting for some of our teachers to be able to join us. One of our teachers has been able to schedule a flight for returning Ugandans and Foreign residents with valid visas. While she will be travelling soon. She is required to go through two weeks of quarantine and then testing before being released. Another teacher will be new to Uganda, and we do not know when the government will permit new people to come to Uganda as the borders are still closed.

As David and I desire to provide the best possible education to our students, we are trying to work on plans for how we will proceed with distance learning and with the possibility of meeting in person. I have spent many hours working on various schedules and possible solutions. We have ordered curriculum materials through a shipping company and hope that they will arrive on time. We are seeking to adapt and prepare as best we can with so many unknowns.

I can often feel overwhelmed trying to figure out how this all will go, but I am learning that what I really need is not to solve every potential problem. Yes, I should prepare as best I can for the school year ahead, but ultimately, my hope is not in my plans. My hope is in the One who holds the future in His hands.

When I was in high school, my basketball coach encouraged us to focus on one verse throughout the season. It was Psalm 20:7.

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God."

 Our coach explained to us that chariots and horses were what were often used for battle and that having those would protect a people from outside attacks. Our coach also explained that we might put our trust in our preparations or plans, on the basketball court or in life. But he reminded us to instead put our trust in the name of the Lord our God.

As I prepare for a school year of unknowns, I want to do the work God has called me to and prepare well, but not to put my trust or hope in those plans. I want to trust the Lord with our unknowns. I struggle with that and some days I spend too many hours making plans, to assuage my fears. But I am thankful that the Lord brought this verse to my mind and that my coach reminded us of this truth before every basketball game those many years ago. When I begin to worry and feel the need to come up with more solutions to problems that have not yet arisen, I will refocus my mind on the truth that my hope is in the Lord and I will trust in Him. I also appreciate that this verse says "we." This is not just a personal struggle. The people of God need to encourage one another to trust in the Lord. When I forget, please remind me. And I pray that is one encouragement and reminder to you. Let us together put our trust and hope in the name of the Lord our God.

A Rough Night

I woke with my heart racing and my mind spinning at 4am. For someone who has fought with anxiety for years, it is a familiar feeling. I knew that this was my mind processing all the stress of the previous day and week. I knew I needed to get up and process and pray. If  I just lie in bed and allow my mind to wander, it usually ends in a frustrating night of not enough sleep and increased anxiety. 

First, it helps me to figure out where this increased anxiety is coming from. It didn’t take me long. Yesterday was rough. We had a faculty meeting in the morning which began with finding out that our request to have a final week of school had essentially been denied. Of course, it wasn’t that straightforward, but that was the gist. Since March, we have been planning how to do school based on the announcements the president of Uganda makes. At first it was 2 weeks off, then extended to a month, then a few more weeks, then another month. It is really challenging and stressful to always be waiting and adjusting. I know it is the same around the world, but that doesn’t make it any easier. So we all began to process this news in different ways and work on plans for wrapping up the school year. For David and me, this school is the work we felt called to do 8 years ago and is the reason we moved our family across the ocean. We are both people who like to do things well and want to serve these missionary families  as best as we can. This year has been disappointing. Our students have missed Sports Day, Spring Formal, our school outreach project, and much more. They have missed seeing their friends, cooperative learning activities and valuable class discussions. I have missed opportunities to speak into the lives of my students and point them to Jesus. I have missed experiencing that lightbulb moment with my students when they grasp a particularly challenging mathematical concept. I hadn’t completely given up hope of squeezing in a few of those activities until the moment we got word that morning. It was disappointing. 

One additional stressor was that I had hoped to meet with my students in person to help some of them get caught up on missed assignments or concepts they have struggled with during this distance learning time. Most of our students have tried homeschool and/or online school and struggled with those options. They needed the ongoing interaction of being together with other students and teachers. So I also began thinking about how to meet the needs of my students who have fallen behind.

As I mentioned before, our faculty all processes differently. We began discussing plans for how to wrap up this last week with our students. It became obvious that there is a lot to be done. But first we had a parent teacher conference. Every year parent teacher conferences make me nervous. I always wonder if the parents are happy with me and think I am doing a good job as a teacher/administrator. I know that the point of these conferences is to work together to know how to best help our students grow and learn. It isn’t about me. But my desire for approval often rears its ugly head in my heart and increases my anxiety. After completing this one conference, we needed to schedule a dozen more, but we cannot have the parents come to our campus. As a staff we all had different ideas about schedules and how best to do that. So we tabled that discussion. 

In general, I don’t like anyone to feel unhappy. I don’t love conflict. And I often want to try to solve everyone’s problems to make them happy. Guess what? That doesn’t usually work. I’m not God and it isn’t my job. He knows what is best and what people need much more than I do. He is able to do whatever He knows needs to happen, and I should trust that much more than all of my ideas. Nevertheless, my brain feels the need to come up with a solution that will address everyone’s concerns. And when I am not able to do so during the day, my brain often keeps going at night. 

As soon as the meeting was over, I had scheduled to take two of our teenagers to town. We are only permitted to have 3 people in a vehicle which adds some interesting dynamics when our 7 children all want to see friends from town. Today, these two got to hang out with a couple friends while I had some errands to run. Since we live on campus with children who are vulnerable to disease, we try to take extra precautions while we are out. This goal of limiting interaction makes going to the multiple different stores needed to procure items from town more stressful. We don’t really have a one-stop sort of shop. 

While I was moving around town, I had multiple conversations with people who mentioned hearing rumors of various possible government regulations that would impact us. I heard that the Minister of Health threatened to impose a harsher lock-down than before if people do not follow the current regulations. I was wondering if we needed to stock up on food again in case this happens. Since we get most of our money through wire transfers from the US and we are in the midst of a building project, we don’t currently have as much cash on hand. The money that was sent from the US on Friday will likely show up in our account here on Tuesday. I began wondering what would happen if we got sent back into a lockdown before then. I know that worrying about the “what if’s” is not helpful, but that doesn’t always stop me from going there. 

Then another person I saw mentioned that they heard that schools might not start back until February 2021. We have been working on plans for next school year for months, and that rumor also sent my mind spinning. Of course, I have no idea what will really happen. This could be misinformation or simply ideas that have been thrown around. But I began processing all of the possibilities. I know that I should first focus on turning my attention to finishing this year well and then prepare for the next one, but these questions are all in the back of my mind. I’m not great at compartmentalizing. 

All of these questions, concerns and challenges were swirling through my brain when I woke at 4 am along with a few other family concerns. And I wondered what I should/could do. After acknowledging where these concerns were coming from, I needed to ask God to help me remember that He is sovereign over this all. The previous morning, I had talked with a friend who has lots of big questions looming. She is trying to remember that God is the One who is in control and that whatever happens, he has allowed in His good plan. He is in control and working for our good in the midst of all these questions. 

By about 7am I was able to shift my focus from all the challenging circumstances and questions to God’s goodness and sovereignty. I was remembering some of the words to the song “Sovereign Over Us.”

There is strength within the sorrow
There is beauty in our tears
And You meet us in our mourning
With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting
You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding
You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper
You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good
You're working for our good and for Your glory

These words gave me the peace to be able to sleep for about an hour until I needed to get up and care for my family. I hope that as we all struggle with many questions and uncertainties about the future, that you will also be comforted by God’s sovereignty and love as we learn to look to Him alone for peace. 

My Shield

“Thou O Lord, art a shield about me. You’re my glory, you’re the lifter of my head.” (Psalm 3:3)

I learned this verse as a song many years ago and it has been playing on repeat in my mind for weeks now. As we walk through this pandemic, I have been thinking about why this verse has been such a comfort to me. 

When I was younger I would often wake in the night with overwhelming fears. After years of struggling, someone suggested that in those times I should focus on God’s protection around me. I would remember that God was a “shield about me” and would picture in my mind a bubble of his protection, almost like a force field from sci-fi cartoons. I think many of us wish that God’s shield would protect us from all disease and difficulties like the force field Violet is able to generate in the Incredibles movies. I have heard some people jokingly talk about everyone moving around in big bubbles or giant hamster balls to protect them from exposure to this virus that is wreaking havoc across the globe. 

But if this verse doesn’t mean that God will create a force field around us to keep us safe from this virus and other suffering, what does it mean? This Psalm was written by King David as he fled from his son, Absalom. David knew that God was his protection and glory, even when his own son was trying to kill him. But has God promised to protect us from anything bad happening? No. The Bible is filled with statements about how God is with us and working in our lives in the midst of trials. But as I think of how this “shield” applies today, I am reminded that whatever trials God allows past this shield, He will use for my good. I pray that my family will be spared from COVID 19, but if God allows one of my family to get sick, He will work for our food in the midst of it. 

As I reflect more on this shield of protection, I am now  thinking of it as the shield of God’s goodness. It doesn’t mean that no bad thing will ever happen to me or my loved ones. But it does mean that God is good and is working for our good in whatever he allows. I am reminded of another song that has been an encouragement to me during this time, “Sovereign Over Us” by Michael W. Smith. The bridge seems particularly poignant.

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good
You're working for our good and for Your glory

This morning I saw a beautiful picture of what it means for God to be our shield in my living room. When Evie woke this morning, she ran right to her Daddy for comfort and protection. We currently have a little puppy that likes to nibble on everything and everyone, so Evie often uses Mommy or Daddy as a “shield” to protect her. We love her so much and want what is best for her. Sometimes that means picking her up to protect her from the puppy, but sometimes it means teaching her how to stand her ground and train the puppy. As her parents, we want her to run to us for protection, but we also want to equip her to handle life’s challenges. Of course the analogy breaks down at some point, but the protective love We feel for our children is just a small picture of the amazing love of God for us.

As we walk through this pandemic and the lockdown here in Uganda, it is good for me to focus on the goodness of our Lord and the ways that he is working for my good in the midst of these challenging times. I pray that God will lift my head to focus on His glory and goodness. I pray that I will run to Him for comfort and protection in difficult times. I pray that whatever challenges you are walking through today, God will remind you that He is your living Father, your shield, your glory and the lifter of your head. And I pray that in his grace, He will give us glimpses of the good He is doing in the midst of our struggles. 

A life cut short

This morning I woke early thinking that I would write about some of the things, God is teaching me during lock-down, but then I read about the killing of Ahmaud Arbery. He was a healthy 26 year old black man just out for a run in our home state of Georgia. He was seen by some white men who suspected him of robbery, chased him down and eventually shot and killed him. Since Ahmaud tried to get the gun away from them, they claim self-defense, and have not even been arrested. I don’t want to start a debate about all the details of the many cases of black men being shot by white men in the United States of America. But right now I am angry and grieving that we still live in a world with so much racism. 

I hate that we live in a world where assumptions are made based on the difference in the color of our skin. My three year old Ugandan daughter notices the difference and asks why she is black and others in our family are white. Of course, we are all just different shades of brown, some lighter and some darker. But she has already picked up on the words people use about skin color being black and white. I pray that while acknowledging the differences in our skin color, we can also affirm the unity of all of God’s children from every tribe and nation. 

As I read this story about Ahmaud, I thought of the young man living with us who has a heart of gold. He loves Jesus and is always looking for a way to be helpful and serve others. He prays for his family and for the world. But some people would never know what an amazing young man he is because of the color of his skin. I am thankful that he lives with us here in Uganda and not in the US where I would fear for his safety. He likes to exercise and this could have been him out jogging. My heart is outraged and broken and angry. 

I wish that we lived in a world where people were “not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” (Martin Luther King Jr.) But this is still only “a dream.” All people are valuable because they bear the image of God.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” ‭‭(Genesis‬ ‭1:27‬)

During this global pandemic, I have also heard of racism against people who appear Chinese. One woman was chased out of the market here in Uganda with people calling her “Corona.” I know that most acts of racism are based in fear and ignorance, but that does not excuse treating anyone as less valuable simply because of their appearance.

It is my prayer that today I will treat all the people in my life with the love and respect they deserve as image bearers of the Creator of the universe. Since most of the world is not coming into contact with many outside their own homes right now, maybe this is a time to reflect and pray about how we can reach out to people of different races to live out the love of Jesus Christ. 

Keeping a sense of humor

It was hilarious how badly one of my math classes went yesterday. It could have been on a sitcom. If it could have gone wrong, it did. I am just trying to laugh about it and will try again another day. Here is the series of events.

 I scheduled a zoom call with one of my middle school math classes. The plan was to begin the call at 2pm, but when I arrived at the school 5 minutes before 2, I realized that I left my school keys at home and was locked outside. I planned to use the white board, so I ran back up the hill to my house in order to get the keys. This time I drove down the hill in order to get back to school faster. Once I got inside and everything was set up, the internet was not working. I tried resetting the router, but that didn't solve the problem. I tried using my phone as a hot spot in the one location that usually gets a decent signal, but that did not work either. I quickly grabbed my laptop, math papers, a few small whiteboards and markers, jumped into the van and drove back up the hill to my house where the internet usually works better. I decided to set up outside at the table under our solar panels because it is a beautiful and quiet place. I finally got the Zoom call started and students slowly began to join. After a few minutes of greeting one another, we had four out of the five students participating so I prepared to begin the math lesson. 

At that very moment I started to feel bites. I looked down and realized that a group of safari ants were covering my legs, chair, shoes and school bag. I ran off-screen to remove my shoes and brush the ants off, but several had gone up my skirt and were biting me. I ran inside to not get rid of the ants under my clothes and then carefully went back out to get my computer, papers, whiteboards and markers. I found a quiet place inside to teach the lesson, and got through about 3 problems before I got the 10 minute warning from zoom that my session was about to be over. I made a plan to start a second zoom call with my students when this one shut down and got through a few more problems together. Of course this is a middle school class, so there were distractions such as face close-ups, silly drawings being held up and funny facial expressions. Most of these were from my son. 

After I set up a second Zoom call and invited all my students, only two of them were able to sign on, my son, who I could hear from the next room, and my neighbor who I had just seen that morning to talk about math.  It seemed like a waste of data for the three of us to video chat, so I finally gave up. 

While it was not a very productive hour or so, it was entertaining and gave me some good laughs. It was also good to see some of my students briefly. I hope that your day was more productive than mine, but if it wasn't, I hope you can at least laugh about it. 

Thankfulness in Unusual Times

   While I have written about some of the struggles in this season of lock-down, I also have so much to thank God for. As I am up early in a quiet house I want to take the time to thank God for the many blessings this season holds. Generally when I can start my day with thanksgiving, this helps my overall perspective. I remember the song I used to sing as a child:

"Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings see what God has done..." 

   First, I am thankful for the people in my home. I am thankful for the amazing family God has given me. I am thankful that God has given us the opportunity to include two close friends in our family during this season. I am thankful for the many ways our family is growing through this season. The kids are all learning to cook more. We are all learning to do different chores. And mostly, we are all learning how to grow in patience, grace and love.. No it isn’t always easy. Actually, it isn’t usually easy, but it is good. 

   Secondly, I am thankful that we are here. Yes, there are times when I long for convenience and for life to be a little easier, but there are also many ways that being here at Good Shepherd’s Fold in Uganda is a gift. Since no one is permitted to leave or come, we are all in this together. We can still go to the playground, visit and play with friends, and even get exercise jogging around campus. I know so many people who are longing for interaction with someone outside their home, but we are blessed to have so many of these opportunities. We are even able to get together with other team members individually or in very small groups. When so many long for that community, we are certainly blessed to have this gift.

  Being here as also given us unique opportunities to serve. GSF has partnered with the district government to provide food for people in our village. Many people in Uganda are without work due to COVID restrictions and are without money for food. God has generously provided for those needs through GSF and the people who contribute to this ministry. Some of our family members have had the opportunity to help pack food to be distributed to those in need. We are thankful to be a small part of the work God is doing.

   Finally, I am thankful for the ways that God is using these uncertain times to teach us to put our trust in him. When we feel like we have life "under control" we rarely see our need for full daily dependence on the Lord. These days when everything feels crazy and the future unpredictable can teach us to cling to our Lord in greater dependence on Him. He is our true hope and source of peace and joy.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)

Many songs that I have learned in the past have been coming to my mind these days. Here are two songs this passage brings to mind.

"You're my Rock, in a world that's so untrue. Lord I'm holding onto you, 'cause you're my Rock. You're my Rock Lord Jesus."

"On Christ the solid Rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand." 

While I do have so many blessings, the most important is that Jesus Christ is my Rock and my Salvation. I can trust in Him. He is faithful and good in the midst of so much uncertainty in the world around. The sinking sand of our delusions of control has been revealed. I want to stand on the true Rock and rest in His control. It is my prayer that God continues to use this time to draw people, myself included, into a greater dependence upon Him. May we all be fully grounded in the Rock and find our security and peace in Him. 

Lockdown

   Some words that used to sound daunting have now become our new normal. Lock-down. Quarantine. Here in Uganda, the government has shut down all transportation other than cargo transport. People are allowed to walk and ride bicycles, but they are not permitted to go to work unless they are working out in the field as farmers or are going to camp at their place of work. The few stores that remain open sell food and other essential items like pharmacies. Many people who depend on their daily or weekly income to feed their families are without food. All schools, churches and mosques are closed. There is 7 pm curfew that has been violently enforced by local defense units (LDUs). People are not permitted to marry unless the wedding is less than 10 people. Burials, which are traditionally a big gathering of the community in support of the family, are supposed to be done by the immediate family alone. People have to get special permission to get transport to a hospital. I got word that a friend's grandson died of malaria before the family was able to get him to a hospital due to these restrictions. Since we live on a compound with a children's home, we are not even permitted to go visit with our neighbors. I am really missing the women from my village Bible study group. I am able to talk to my closest neighbor through the locked gate from a distance, but I look forward to the day I can freely walk around our village and hug my friends again. The government has announced that these restrictions will remain in place until at least the fifth of May.

   While these restrictions sound extreme, Uganda does seem to be successfully avoiding the spread of COVID-19. As of now there have been only 55 cases diagnosed in Uganda with many tests being conducted daily. Almost all of the cases were people who entered the country before the borders were closed. Most of these cases were identified while the person was at the airport or in quarantine. There are a very few who contracted the disease within Uganda and the government has been following up with every person who was in contact with those people. No one has died of the disease and 20 people have fully recovered. I am impressed at how much more efficient Uganda is at managing the spread of this disease than places like Europe and North America. At the same time the protective measures that have been put in place take their toll.

   In the midst of all of this, I have had some rough days. We are trying to continue with the education of our students through various distance learning platforms. I am learning how to communicate with my students through Google Classroom, send videos of lessons that I wish I could teach, try to teach some things through zoom classes and help our students learn to do all this from a distance. I feel woefully inadequate. I am trying to keep up, but I am quickly overwhelmed. I am also trying to make sure my own children are keeping up with their classes. My sense of identity as being a capable teacher has certainly been shattered.

   The usual household responsibilities have also been overwhelming. The days when I need to get food are often the hardest. I need to communicate with several different people, none of whom have English as a first language, to get food from two different supermarkets, the central market for fruits and vegetables, the dairy, and the bakery. I need to send mobile money to each of these places and communicate with a friend who organizes a boda driver who can pick up and deliver these items. Once we have these items, we need the time to do things like make the spaghetti sauce from the tomatoes we bought. Right now I really struggle with coveting the simplicity of Amazon delivery or even being able to drive to Publix and buy a jar of spaghetti sauce. One day while I was working on some of this communication to get groceries, I thought Evie was playing in the living room, but I found that she had gone into the girls’ room. She told me she had gone to dress up as “the scariest.”
It is a good thing she is so cute because I am still trying to get this lipstick out of her shirt 3 days later. I have also set up a schedule so that the 6 oldest children are all able to help with cooking, cleaning and caring for Evie, but implementing the schedule is difficult and I often get irritable when the chores don't get done, or Evie creates another big mess. I want to be patient and gracious as we all are struggling to figure out this new routine, but I often fail. My sense of identity that comes from being a capable homemaker for my family has also been lost.

   I had hoped that during this time when we are all together more, I would be able to connect more with each member of my family. There have been days when I have set apart time to focus on each individual child. I was even able to make some time to have a dinner "date" with my husband, by the two of us eating outside and having time to connect. Although that date went well in the end, it began with me being irritable about "no one helping me to get dinner on the table." I needed to confess my bad attitude and be reconciled before we could enjoy our time together. One of my children noticed how stressed I was and reached out to encourage me. I responded by being defensive and argumentative. Again, more confession and reconciliation needed. I cannot count how many times I have had to say that I'm sorry for being easily angered. My sense of identity that was wrapped up in being a loving wife and mother has also been destroyed.

   So what am I left with? These are my main roles in life right now and I am certainly not succeeding. A sweet friend reminded me that I am a loved child of God, a daughter of the King of the Universe, and that is enough. Being a Christian is acknowledging that I am not enough on my own, that I can't measure up, but that Christ has done it for me. I don't know why I keep trying to see myself as able to do it on my own. This time of lock-down has reminded me that I am not loved because of what I do. I am loved because I have been graciously loved by a perfectly loving Heavenly Father who has chosen to show His love to me. I am His. That is enough. That is what I need to go back to and remember and rest in. That love and grace can flow through me to my family when I first humble myself and remember how He has loved me. As many of us lose the sense of identity that we may have found in some of our work in the past, I pray that we learn to rest in our identity in Christ alone. And it is my prayer that the work we do in this time will flow out of the love and grace we have received from Him.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”‭‭ (1 John‬ ‭3:1)

Changes in Routine

Hello friends. We are doing pretty well here in Uganda. Our school is closed, but we are communicating with students and have sent assignments for a month. The two teenagers who stay with us on holidays were sent home from boarding school on Friday and will be staying with us for the next month. Their other situations were good experiences during the Christmas holiday while we were in the US, but the social worker decided that right now it would be best for them to stay with us for a variety of reasons. One of our teachers is also with us most of the time because her roommate has been in self-quarantine in their house since traveling to the US. We are happy to have a full house of people to love on, but ten of us in our house doesn’t allow for much time alone. You can pray for us all to find ways for that time alone with the Lord and for us to be gracious and kind to one another even when we don’t get that. I found myself very irritable this morning when the kids were slow in helping out with chores. I needed to step into my room and pray rather than speak out of anger and say things I would later regret. Please pray that I will be able to be gracious and patient with my family, and that I will correct them out of love and a desire for their growth, not out of my irritability. I also desire to focus more on the ways that I do see God at work in and through them rather than grumbling that they are not perfect yet. I certainly am not perfect either. I want to speak “only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

One of our teammates is also in the midst of an audit process for GSF and cannot do much school work with her kids at home, so we will probably get to  “homeschool” some of her five children along with the seven in our home. I was originally thinking I would have time for writing and editing blogposts to work on a book idea, but as I look at all God has called me to do from home, I’m not sure if there will be time for that. I’m trying to make the most of every opportunity this change in routine brings. It may be that God wants to use this time to help me grow in being gracious toward my family. Ephesians 4:32 says, “ Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” I know that God is giving many of us around the world more time at home with our families which is an opportunity to show one another the forgiveness we have received through Jesus Christ. 

As of tonight, the borders of Uganda will be closed and the airport shut down, but that doesn’t really bother me. We don’t feel any need to travel back to the US since the virus is keeping people from being together there anyway. If we travelled we would be exposing ourselves to more germs and wouldn’t be able to be with our loved ones on that side. It seems like we have plenty that God has called us to do as we stay put, not to mention that Uganda has only one case and the US has many more. I am hoping that this change of schedule makes it easier to find opportunities to video chat with family and friends that side and stay connected in that way. I am thankful that we have so recently visited the US too. Right now we have heard of only one case of corona virus in Kampala from someone who was diagnosed at the point of entry, but we will avoid the big city as much as possible. Uganda is very good at controlling disease outbreaks though, since they have had to deal with Ebola in the past. They are actually one of the most successful countries at preventing the spread of that disease; it was never as rampant here as in West Africa.  

It seems like in our years living in Uganda, we have had some practice trusting God with crazy diseases and life being “out of control” in our minds. I’m thankful for the way God uses each challenging situation to teach us that He is in control and we are not. I’m certainly not saying that I have this down, but life here gives me opportunities to practice. I hope you and your families can take comfort from God’s control of all things and his loving care for you in the midst of these challenging times. 

Waking in the Night

This week was our Spring Break from school so our family decided to take the opportunity to go on safari. Even though we live in a rural part of Uganda, we don’t have elephants and lions near us. We decided to drive to the Northeast to a remote park where there are many animals that aren’t often seen elsewhere. On our trip we saw giraffes, zebras, elephants, buffalo, warthogs, so many types of birds and antelopes, a rock hyrax, a hyena, a leopard and a lion. It was worth the 25 hours driving in the van to get there and back. 

Here are my boys looking for the roaring lions in the evening. 

Even though we were staying outside the park, the animals don’t know of any boundary. On our last night there we heard 2 lions roaring in the distance. They were far enough away that we felt comfortable walking from our tents to the restaurant for dinner and back. But as the night went on, roaring sounded a bit closer. We eventually fell asleep, but were woken around 2am with the news that our daughter was sick in another tent. The lions sounded closer, but far enough that I felt safe walking quickly to her tent. Once she was settled and everything was taken care of, I went back to my tent to get some rest. A couple hours later I woke to the sound of my daughter getting sick again. I got up and went to check on her. Once I checked on her and she was settled, I was ready to go back, but this time the lions sounded even closer. I was trying to figure out if I should stay in her tent for the night. David called and said he was outside the tent and it was safe for me to walk back. As we shined a light outside to the distance one lion made a quick roar in response. I moved quickly to my tent with instructions to all my children to stay inside their tents and not to go out. I zipped myself inside our tent and prayed. 

I was sad that my daughter was sick and I couldn’t make her better. I was afraid of the lions roaring very nearby. I knew that I was helpless to do anything, but I remembered that God can do all things. Growing up I learned the Bible stories of how God closed the mouths of the lions to protect Daniel. I learned about the many ways Jesus miraculously healed people. God is the same God and He is able to do anything. He gave me the ability to trust him with these concerns and get some rest. 

I know that on other continents, the fears are different. The corona virus is causing widespread international concern. I don’t know so much about it except that Uganda is now requiring self quarantine for people entering the country from places with known cases to prevent the virus from coming here. Each situation has some things we can do, precautions we can take, but most of these things are out of our control. No matter the situation, I want to remember these words from Psalm 56:3-4a:

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

It is funny that I was able to trust God with this situation, but the next day as I was thinking about the teachers we need for next school year, I fell back into fear and worry. As I was spiraling into all the “what if’s” my husband suggested we pray and leave it with the Lord. I’m not always great at that, but I am trying to remember to trust in God for all things. 

Our lives, our children and our school are in God’s hands. He kept us safe from the lions, and my daughter has recovered from her brief illness. I don’t know if or when He will provide additional teachers. But even when God’s answers are not the ones I want, I will put my trust in Him. Yes, sometimes I am afraid, but I know that even when I struggle to trust Him, He is loving me and working for my good. I love how these verses begin with “when I am afraid” and end with “I will not be afraid.” I waver between the two, but I will continue to remind myself to trust in Him. 

Two Truths

Yesterday I read in Paul Tripp’s New Morning Mercies about two truths that are the two most important things that we never need to worry about. 

1. God loves me.
2. He is working all things for my good.

These two truths put everything else in perspective. As I begin to worry about my children, I can remember that these two truths apply to them too. As I work on plans for our growing school, I can remember that God loves our students even more than I do and is working to bring the teachers that they need. As I think about our upcoming family trip and the more than 20 hours we will all be in the van together, I can remember how God loves each member of our family and is working to help each one of us grow. Sometimes our areas of needed growth rub each other the wrong way, but it is my prayer that God will even use that to shape us into the people He would have us be. So as we prepare for a long road trip adventure during our Spring Break, I am trusting that God loves us and is using this time to conform us more into the image of Jesus. I hope and pray that we will make great memories together as a family, but I also believe that God is using each day, each struggle, each experience to make us into the people He wants us to be. My prayer for the adventures that lay ahead is that I won’t lose sight of God’s faithful loving care, and I would accept His definition of what is good. 

Back to Real Life

We arrived at our home in Uganda on Thursday evening, got very little sleep due to jet lag, and then spent the day on Friday unpacking. Since one of my kids wanted to go to town to see friends and we needed some groceries, I drove to town. While I was there, a bolt loosened on the slide door of our van and I was unable to close the door. I tried to tighten it with my fingers, getting covered in grease in the process, but was unable to fix it without tools. 

Since we were going through airports for our travels, I had removed my pocket tool from my bag and could not fix this problem on my own. I called David to explain that I would be late and to figure out who to call for help. We have a friend who is an engineer who lives near the place we were stuck and figured he would have the tools and would be able to help solve this problem. He graciously came and brought the tool to fix the door.

On Saturday, David took the boys to town to play rugby and to go to a men’s Bible study. I took the girls and some friends in to town a little later to visit with friends there and do some more grocery shopping. David took our younger children home soon after lunch. I ran some more errands and then collected the people I was bringing home. As we crossed the Nile, my tire exploded and stripped itself bare. We limped across the rest of the bridge and pulled off the road. The spare had just been put on since the previous tire had many punctures and was almost completely flat. So I had to call for help again. 

Those who know me, know that I don’t love asking for help. I would much rather have changed the tire on the side of the road myself. But that was not possible, so we waited for our mechanic to send someone with a replacement tire. This time it was about an hour of being stuck on the side of the road. 

While sitting there, I had some time to reflect on how God uses these everyday struggles to grow me. First, I am learning that it is okay that I need help from others. I enjoy helping, but don’t like to need help myself.  God put us in families, churches, communities for many reasons. One reason has been to humble me and teach me that I cannot do it all on my own. I still wish I could, but I also am thankful that God has blessed us with a community here in a “foreign” country that doesn’t seem so foreign anymore. I am so thankful that there were several people who I knew I could call for help in both situations. 

Additionally, I was reminded that we make our plans, but the Lord determines our path. It was my plan to get home in time to make dinner, but as it turned out, David took care of all of that. I need to hold my plans loosely and trust God to work out the details. 

It occurs to me that both of these lessons are ultimately about trust. Do I trust that God provides for me.through community or do I think I need to be Abe to do everything on my own? Do I really trust that God’s plan for my day is better than mine? I am thankful that God continues to give me opportunities for growth, but I also wouldn’t mind a simple trip to town. So I will pack my pocket tool and take time to pray and prepare my heart for whatever He has for me tomorrow. 

An Indistinct Word

During our time here in the US, we have stayed in several different homes. As we were discussing our plans the other day, we talked about going here and there visiting with various people and then going back to the house where we are staying as “going home.” My middle child said, “Home is an indistinct word for us right now.”  His observation struck me. Our house in Uganda feels like home for us all. 

But traveling around, visiting with many people, we have been staying in several different homes. Many people also say to us, “Welcome home!” When we are here in the US, there is some sense of coming home, but there is also a sense of missing our home in Uganda. We sometimes feel like we don’t quite fit here in American culture. I am reminded of this song by Jim Reeves:

This world is not my home I'm just a passing through, My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue, The angels beckon me from heaven's open door, And I can't feel at home in this world anymore

One of my closest Ugandan friends had this song on her phone as her ringtone. It has always been a beautiful reminder to me. While living cross culturally has its challenges, one of the blessings is that home is an indistinct word for us on this earth. It helps us to remember that our true home is in heaven with God. 

As we prepare to travel back to our home in Uganda, I am thankful for our home there. I am also thankful for that many who have welcomed us into their homes here in the US. And I am thankful that through faith we can look forward to our eternal Home in heaven, where we won’t have to keep saying goodbye to loved ones. 

Every Need

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians‬ ‭4:19

I recently went for a walk and listened to the book of Philippians. I have always appreciated different aspects of this book of the Bible, but something new struck me this time. The verse above does come in the context of the apostle Paul talking about the Philippian church helping provide for his physical needs, but it also comes after him saying that he has learned to be content whether well fed or hungry, living in abundance or in want. (Philippians 4:11-12) 

So what does it mean that “my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory.” It certainly means that I don’t need to worry about how my needs will be met. This is a good reminder for someone like me who lives on support and often struggles with worry. That is the primary way I have understood this verse for many years. But as I listened to this entire book of the Bible, I was struck with a new thought. This verse says that God will supply EVERY need. Lately, the physical needs of myself and my family have been amazingly and graciously supplied by God through his people. We have vehicles to drive, food to eat, places to stay. But the thing I have the most trouble with is trusting that God will provide the emotional, relational and spiritual needs of myself and those I love. 

As I look around at how lavishly God has provided for our physical needs, I want to trust and remember that in Christ Jesus, all of these other needs can and will be met. Meditating on this entire book of God’s Word helps redirect my thinking and teaches me to trust him, not only with caring for our physical needs, but also caring for all the other aspects of need and brokenness in our lives. Our God who loves us enough to provide for our physical needs through so many of you will also refresh our souls and strengthen our hearts for the work he has called us to do.