Last night I got a message from my brother that my grandfather passed away. I knew that this was coming as he had been on hospice care and had recently been upgraded to 24/7 care. I had each member of our family send him a video a few weeks ago. I knew he wouldn't necessarily know who we were, but he loved smiling faces and family videos. This was my only way to say goodbye. I hate being so far away that I cannot be with my family at times like this. When we visited the United States at Christmas time, I saw how much his health had declined since the last time I saw him. I knew that it was probably my last chance to hug him when I said goodbye. But it still hurts so much. I have said goodbye to three grandparents this way and my heart breaks every time. Of course, anytime we lose a loved one, it is a time of grief. But I have found that this grief from a distance really stinks! I cannot be there to hug and comfort my parents. I cannot help with the arrangements or the funeral. I'm not with my family to sit and talk about how much he meant to us all. I'm also not there to share the funny stories about his sweet tooth or his flirting with the nurses when we need a break from the grief.
It has occurred to me that many people are also experiencing this inability to be with loved ones during grief in the midst of this COVID pandemic. I know that now, even people who live in the same country may not feel free to travel for a loved one's last days or a funeral. Particularly if the loved one is in the hospital. I am thankful that the facility where my grandfather has been for the past several years allowed my parents and my brothers to be with him during his last days. I'm thankful that they were able to talk with me about their visits and how the hospice workers were managing his pain and praying with him. But I hate that I am not there.
Don't misunderstand; I love where I live. I love my work and the families were are able to serve here. I love my neighbors. I love that I live on campus with children who need to be shown the love of Christ and we get to be a small part of that. I love that we can empower women in our village by buying their crafts and equipping them with God's Word. I love that we have been able to open our home here to some kids who need family. I love getting to teach mathematics to kids from a variety of backgrounds. I love Ugandan culture and the hospitality and patience of the people here. I love living in a tropical climate and the beauty of this country! I love that as we were having lunch with our teachers, we were interrupted by monkeys fighting over jackfruit from the tree next to us. I love the sense of community and family we have here in our village, on our missionary team, in our house church, and with our school families. But I am still sad that I am not with my family at this time.
Since I cannot sit around with my family talking about my Grandpa Franklin, I thought I would write one of the things that I loved about him. Grandpa Franklin was an amazingly cheerful and thankful old man. He would talk about how great and healthy he felt, how he didn't need any pills and how he hadn't been sick a day in his life. Not much of that was actually true, but that was his perspective. He had such a sunny disposition and was always pleasant to visit. When I was in high school I used to go visit several people at the nursing facility where my great-grandmother lived. In general, when people are old and in pain, they are not so cheerful. They do love visitors though. I cannot think of anyone I've met in all my years of visiting several different nursing homes who was as cheerful and positive as my Grandpa. I hope that as I age, I will continue to grow in thankfulness and cheerfulness to be more like him.
While I am grieving and I hate that I cannot be with my family in this time of loss, I want to ask God to give me the thankful heart that He gave to my Grandpa Franklin. It is my hope that even though "weeping may last for the night, joy will come in the morning." (Psalms 30:5) I am thankful that my Grandpa knew Jesus and now he is no longer in pain. He doesn't even have to experience this weeping for the night that we experience right now. He is in the presence of the Lord where there are no more tears, or pain, or death. (Rev. 21:4) My Grandpa's joy is now complete! And even though I miss him and hate not being with my family right now, I will trust God to give us all his peace and even joy in the midst of this pain.
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