A Rough Christmas Eve

Today was not the day we were expecting or hoping it would be. Early in the morning I found out that some friends had an attempted break-in in the night. I woke after a night of not great sleep due to the power going off. We have been losing power in the night because the days have been cloudy and rainy and we only have solar power. 

We also woke in the night to our dog, Penny, making an unusual sound. David found that she had gotten stuck with her back legs under our couch and was not able to get out. We don’t know how she got into that position, but David was able to get her out and that seemed to ease her pain. When I got up in the morning I was preparing food for a brunch with our missionary team. I was preparing some foods that she usually loves, so I thought I would give her some of the sausage juices along with rice. Her health has been declining over the past several months, but has significantly worsened over the last few days. She refused the sausage soup, even when I fed her by spoon. I thought maybe I should try chicken broth instead. When she also refused the broth I knew she must not be doing well. Throughout the morning her health continued declining. We went to a Christmas brunch with our missionary team and David called to find a veterinarian who would come to our house to check on her. Later in the afternoon, the vet came and we all agreed that Penny was not going to be able to recover and we wanted to reduce her suffering. We sat with her and said goodbye and then they gave her the medicine to put her to sleep. A couple of our kids dug a place to bury her. We said a few words and then buried our dog. It was a Christmas Eve with lots of loss. 

Today I have been thinking about how the heartbreaks like dogs dying and friends having an attempted break-in make us long for eternity where there  will be no more pain or sorrow or death. No theft. No loss. No goodbyes. No brokenness. I look forward to that day when all things will be made new. 

And this is why Jesus had to come. To restore what was lost and broken. To bring healing and redemption. So that all these effects of the Fall in our world will be washed away. This is what Christmas is really about. Our Lord Jesus entered the world as a baby in order to redeem us. 

“O Come, O Come Emanuel, and ransome captive Israel, that Norns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appear. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel, has come to Thee O Israel.”

“The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.” 

I thought it was so sad to experience loss on Christmas Eve, but what a fitting time to put our hope fully in the only One who can bring true joy and peace to our world and to our hearts. May you also find joy and peace in Christ this Christmas! 

Rainy season driving

Yesterday as I was driving to town on the dirt roads we had an exciting experience. Since it has been very rainy lately the roads that are dusty during dry season have become muddy and slippery. On sections where the road goes up or down a hill, deep ravines are forming as the rain runs down and continues to wash away more of the road. Additionally these roads are used by the heavy sugar cane tractors which have been getting stuck in the mud of late. 

As I drove on this muddy mess with people walking on the side and motorcycles coming toward me, I tried to navigate this slippery terrain. In order to avoid hitting people and getting stuck in a ditch, I turned the steering wheel a bit. That was when I realized that I had no control over where this vehicle was going. We were just sliding along and I had no traction. I called back to my boys who were in the van with me to pray! One side of the vehicle slipped into a low rut in the road and then we were able get a little bit of control as we slowly moved ahead. Once the road became more level, we were able to get out of the rut and continue forward. 

My sweet friend who was in the car with me was so encouraging and said that she couldn’t believe I made it through without panicking. I told her that it would not help at all to freak out, so I just prayed and did whatever I could. As we were talking I realized that I have learned to handle some of the crazy things about life here in Uganda in that way, but there are many aspects of life where I struggle much more. 

I told my friend that having the steering wheel in my hand gave me a sense of control when driving, but when we started slipping I realized that I wasn’t really the One in control. And honestly that is a good thing! 

Lately life has been a slippery road. There have been so many challenges and heavy situations. Many people I love are walking through difficult seasons and I cannot control the vehicle. I have written in previous blog posts about losses and Ebola. I’m also taking a quick one week trip to the states for a friend’s wedding and I am concerned about being apart from Evie in particular. Honestly, I feel like I’m metaphorically sliding along the road of life and panicking. I am thankful for that experience while driving because it reminded me that my initial response should be to pray and then just do what I can. It isn’t going to go perfectly. I’m a fallen person in a broken world full of slippery roads. 

I also realized that having an encouraging friend in the passenger seat and my boys praying in the back were such a blessing! Just the presence of my friend in the van reminded me that I was not alone in this struggle. And her words acknowledging the challenges and encouraging me also had a calming effect. Just having people there to ask for prayer also helped! 

This morning I woke ridiculously early, as I often do, my mind spinning. As I write I am listening to the song that reminds me that.”I’m no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God!” I want to learn to rest in this truth as I slip along the road of life. Thank you for praying with and for me and my family. I’m thankful that we are in this together! 

Ebola update

Almost a month ago, Uganda announced that a 24year old man was diagnosed with Ebola and had passed away. There were apparently 20 previous deaths in his area that have since been declared “suspected cases” since it was too late to test to confirm. Now Uganda has had 58 confirmed cases and 21 confirmed deaths. This past weekend, the president of Uganda announced a lock down for the two primary affected districts. Since this outbreak is several hours drive west of us, we have not been impacted much where we are. There have been two cases in Kampala, but they were a couple from the affected regions. We pray that others in the Kampala area were not infected. 

While we are currently not concerned about the outbreak in terms of our personal health, the levels of stress and anxiety are high as we sort through the “what ifs” for both our family and our school. Since we live on a large compound at Good Shepherd’s Fold and are able to isolate with our team here if need be, we do not have any plans to leave Uganda. Below I have included a map from the CDC to help you see the location of the outbreak in Uganda in relation to our location (the yellow dot). 

After more than two years of life being impacted by COVID, we were hoping for a more “normal” school year. Thankfully, our school schedule has not yet been impacted. It is our hope and prayer that this outbreak will end soon and not spread any further. In the midst of the challenges, God continues to teach me to depend on him. I have been trying to read large sections of Scripture to saturate my mind with truth in the midst of my struggles with anxiety. While reading through Romans, I was reminded of the value of suffering, even though it is my tendency to want to avoid it as much as possible. 

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”‭(Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬)

I am reminded that God has loved me enough to bring me peace through his great sacrifice. And I pray that He will enable me to rejoice in the midst of challenging and uncertain times knowing that he is growing me in endurance, character and hope. Please pray with us both for an end to this Ebola outbreak and that God would grow us in the midst of it. 

Rough Re-entry

We have been in Uganda for a little less than 3 weeks and it has been a whirlwind. We knew we would be jumping in without any adjustment time, but it has been a bit rougher than expected.

When we first returned home, it was good to be settled back in our home, but also sad to have Elijah’s bed and seat at the table empty. It was a sense of loss and while I am thrilled for him and where he is, we are also missing him a great deal! 

We arrived on Saturday and began teacher meetings on Monday with classes beginning on Wednesday. So we needed to quickly adjust to the time zone, unpack and distribute curriculum and prepare to start the semester. We anticipated this and had packed in such a way as to simplify unpacking. 

What we had not anticipated were the many other upcoming challenges. First, David’s SIM card was not working for about a week an a half. So he would drive the 30 minutes to town, go to the service center, wait for hours and then they would tell him that it will start working within the next two hours. The first two times they told him that, his phone still did not work. Of course he had no way to communicate during that time and missed appointments with people and did not get messages about picking up one of our kids, so the SIM card issue led to lots of extra trips to town and what felt like lots of wasted time and money. The cost of fuel has also significantly increased here. 

When fuel costs go up, so does everything else that requires fuel. For example, the cost of food has significantly increased because fuel is necessary to get food to the market. Also, everyone pays more to get to themselves to and from work. In a country where that margin is very thin, many Ugandan friends have told me about their families needing to skip meals to make ends meet. Because of these increased costs along with the start of the next school term, many people have needed additional support. Our employees and Ugandan ministry partners needed additional funding, but there was not any money in our account here in Uganda. We had a miscommunication with the home office and the money was not transferred that was needed for starting back up with school and other ministry needs. The money eventually came, but that added more complications and stress. 

In addition to the stress of not having the money at the time it was needed, we are also realizing that with the increased prices, our budget for this year will not be sufficient. We will be sending out an email with more information about that soon. This has been another source of stress in the midst of this adjustment. The most difficult part of not having sufficient funds is not being able to support our Ugandan friends and ministry partners more in this time of their increased expenses. 

In the midst of our first week back, when David’s phone was not working and we didn’t have money in our bank account, our vehicles were also not working and our solar power stopped working. After a full day with no electricity in our home, we finally found the problem. There was a wire that was damaged going from the solar panels to the batteries. We were  able to get the wire repaired, but the batteries had been completely drained, so we had to wait for the sun to come out the next day to start recharging our batteries. 

When it felt like we had gotten through the worst of all of this, some of our friends lost a child. She was only a year and a half old and our community is all grieving with them. It is heartbreaking to see your friends and students walk through such a loss. I am glad that we were back in Uganda so that I could attend the burial and we could love and support their family in this time of grief. 

The day after the burial I had to take our two Ugandan teenagers back to their boarding school. They lived with us for the 2 years that Ugandan schools were closed for COVID, and they have been staying with us on school holidays for several years now. Since they had been at home with us since our return to Uganda, saying goodbye to them at school was another transition and loss for our family. Some people laugh when I say this, but only having four kids at home feels like our family is so much smaller.  

 In the midst of these challenges, loneliness, and grief, I am learning to pray more. I know that my confidence is not that life will go smoothly or be comfortable, but that God is with me in the midst of it. As I read Psalm 146 this morning I was reminded that my hope is in the Lord alone. He cares about each of these challenges we face and He is the One I need to run to. I pray you also find your hope in Him today. 

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being. Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. The Lord will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the Lord! 

Malaria?

A few nights ago, as we were sharing with friends from our home church about God’s work in Uganda, I started feeling pretty ill. Soon afterward I was shivering uncontrollably. I had been having back and head aches all day, actually on and off for a few days, but I assumed it was just from packing and moving heavy bags. (I’m not as young as I once was.) When I started shivering and then felt nauseous, I realized that this is the normal progression when I have malaria. Last summer when we had been in the US for 2 months, two of our kids came down with malaria. They tested positive after several cycles of high fevers and nausea. 

Now I am wondering if I have malaria. I tested negative for Covid and so I am just treating for malaria. We know too many stories of people coming down with malaria in the US and it getting very severe because the treatment isn’t as accessible here. So we travel with malaria treatment. I have now treated and am feeling much better. The day after my high fever, Esther took care of Evie and did the shopping and packing for heading back to Uganda. She is an AMAZING daughter! What a gift! I slept on and off most of the day and was feeling much better after medicine and some good rest! 

The next day was another day of packing up and shifting to another house. We are very grateful for all of the generosity of many people sharing their homes with us! We will also be happy to be in our own home in Uganda and not living out of a suitcase! One of my children pointed out that we will have slept in 9 different places this summer. I thought that couldn’t be true since we spent a whole month at one missionary guesthouse, but then I counted. It is true. And it is hard to wake up each morning and need to remember where everything is in this house. This morning I noticed that Google maps told me that my “home” was the missionary guesthouse where we stayed for a month. I almost cried. I am thankful that during our next furlough we will be able to stay in our own house in Georgia! 

While a physical “home” has been elusive, our church family certainly felt like home again quickly. Our whole family has reconnected with friends from our church. I am so thankful for these relationships that have been a tangible representation of the love of Christ to us over the years. It makes saying goodbye hard every time, but I am thankful! 

Last night this amazing church family helped us celebrate Elijah turning 18! Since Elijah enjoys chess, our sweet friends who were our gospel community group 10 years ago set up a chess tournament birthday party. It was so cleverly decorated and set up with his favorite things. In the midst of sickness and packing and everything, I didn’t know how I would plan a party, but my sweet friends did it all! I am so very thankful for this community that loves us and uses their gifts to show love to our family! 

 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:12

I am so thankful to know the love of Jesus better because of these dear friends who show his love to us! 

The Final Days

In 10 days I drop my firstborn off at college and a few days later fly back across the ocean. As I write these words, tears stream down my face. I remember the day just about 18 years ago when he was born. He has been a blessing to our family all of these years. He has always had wisdom and maturity beyond his years. He is an amazing young man and I am so very proud of him! 

As he begins this new adventure far away from home, I am reminding myself of truths that have brought me comfort over the years. The first and maybe the best “mom advice” I received came when I was pregnant with Elijah. I had been concerned that I might be having a miscarriage. I was crying in the teachers lounge and a friend walked in. When I explained to her what I was so anxious about, she told me that this was the beginning of my practice in trusting that God has my child in his hands. She said, “At first we worry about the pregnancy. Then once they are born, we feel the need to check on their breathing in the night. We feel like it is up to us to make sure our children are ok. Then, once they can walk we worry about if they will run into the street. When they learn to drive, it is an even bigger concern. But all of these are opportunities to trust God with our children. We can choose to live lives worrying, or we can pray and trust that God has them. He can care for them much better than we can.” She was not suggesting that we neglect to equip our kids for these stages of life, but she was suggesting that maybe it would be good to also equip ourselves to trust God. In each season when I begin worrying about my kids, I remember her advice and try to shift from fear to faith through prayer. 

In a little over a week, I get much more practice in trusting God with my child. It isn’t easy or painless, but God is good. All the time. He will be with me and He will be with my son in this new adventure. 

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭26:3-4‬)

Thankful and Relieved!

Over the past several weeks our family has gone through several significant transitions. We are now in the United States and are readjusting to life on this side of the ocean. As we prepare for our firstborn to stay on this side of the ocean, we are trying to get things figured out for life here. Moving between worlds is pretty overwhelming. Going to stores with so many options and people expecting you to move at the pace of American culture is sometimes a recipe for disaster. But in the midst of these challenges I am so very thankful! I can see God’s loving care for us in so many ways! 

When we landed in the US, an extremely generous friend of my Florida family offered for us to use their home for almost a week while they were away. My parents helped with all the details and we had a comfortable place to stay with a pool to swim in and a dock so my dad could take the kids out tubing on his boat. It was the perfect place to rest and recover from our travel and jet lag. 

When we needed to travel north to Georgia, we were able to rent two vehicles since there wasn’t one available that could hold all of our people and luggage. And we actually found it to be significantly cheaper to rent two cars than it would have to rent one larger vehicle. This is another small example of God’s provision. We are now staying in a missionary guesthouse here in Georgia for the month of July. It is such a beautiful, peaceful place and familiar as we have stayed here before. 

As we arrived here in Georgia, three different friends offered for us to borrow a vehicle for a whole month! It is so encouraging to see God’s provision through so many generous people! And being here with our American church family has been a gift. 

During our time in Georgia we also try check in with our doctors here. I had been having some areas of irritation on my tongue over the past several months which I was concerned about. I was able to get in to follow up with a doctor at Emory where I had my tongue surgery over 8 years ago. When I heard that everything looked normal I was very relieved. The combination of the stress of transition and my anxiety about the possible recurrence of abnormal cells was weighing heavily on me. I feel a huge sense of relief and thankfulness! 

While there are still lots of challenges, I have been reminded of God’s faithful love in the midst of these challenges. On Sunday our friend Steven preached a very encouraging sermon reminding us that God’s love for us is not usually shown by the absence of challenges, but in his faithful care for us in the midst of the challenges. Steven said that we often in our pride think we know better than God what we need. That is what the prosperity gospel says. But Luke 12:30 reminds us that God knows what we need. That is why we do not need to be anxious. His loving care for us sometimes looks like a clean bill of health and sometimes it is cancer. But He is faithfully loving us and caring for us in the midst of it all. If you need encouragement here is a link to his sermon https://youtu.be/SytO1hHrq0s?list=PLzsobD2E7jPU0ONAM3xVM0kPEFnypbu0h 

As I experience the ups and downs of life, I want to cling to the promises of God’s faithful loving care for me and for my family. I want to depend on Him more than I do on my own strength and ability to handle or control circumstances. He is God. I am not. Today I want to remember that. 

Ready for Take Off

In this past month, our firstborn has graduated from high school, we have said goodbye to several dear friends who have been a part of our lives in Uganda for years, and now we are preparing to travel to the states to take our son to college. It has been a lot of emotion and a lot to process. I have been mostly concerned with my kids and how they are doing as they process all of this change. But I have also found that I’m grieving even while I celebrate those who are moving on. As I have been sad about all the goodbyes, one verse keeps coming to my mind.

“God has said, ‘Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5

It is so good to know that I have a friend who is always with me. In the midst of these many farewells I am clinging to the promise of His presence wherever I am. 

Women’s Day washing

Women’s Day is a public holiday here in Uganda. Schools are closed, everyone is off work and men are expected to do the cooking and housework. I was excited to have a day without my usual responsibilities at work and home. As I thought about what to do with my time two things came to mind. First, I wanted to visit with some of my neighbors. I used to do that so much more before COVID. It is one of the things I love here in Uganda. People in the village take time to sit and talk. I also wanted to paint my toe nails. I had a pedicure several months ago and it had grown out off of all my toe nails except my big toes. Since I wear sandals every day, I enjoy having my feet looking nice. It is just a small thing, but I thought that might be a nice thing to do on Women’s Day. As I considered this I wondered if it would work to combine the two things and do pedicures with my neighbors. 

I spoke with a few Ugandan friends who said that they thought the women would really enjoy a pedicure. So I got my supplies together and headed out to the gate to my neighbors’ house in the village. Since roads around here are either dusty or muddy, it is definitely necessary to wash your feet before painting your toenails. So I brought a bucket, soap cloths and a foot file along with nail clippers and polish. Dead and dry skin build up is very common for those of us who walk dusty roads either with sandals or bare feet. Since my neighbors have not had much experience giving themselves a pedicure, I offered to do it for them. 

The first thing I noticed was that they were apologizing about how dirty their feet were. I showed them that mine were just as dirty. But even still, two of the women went and washed their feet before coming to get their feet scrubbed and nails painted. It reminded me of the many ways I often try to clean myself up first instead of just accepting that I am washed by the work of Jesus on my behalf. 

When I was in college and worked as a server at a restaurant, I remember talking with a coworker and inviting him to church. He said he couldn’t come until he got his life together. I tried to explain that Christians are people who acknowledge that they can’t do life perfectly and know they need a Savior, so the church is not a bunch of people who have their lives together, but a bunch of people who recognize that they don’t and that they need a Savior. He never did come to church, and I think that was primarily out of shame. I wonder how many more people would feel free to come to church if we stopped pretending to be cleaned up and to have it all together and were willing to talk about our own failures and brokenness. Jesus said it this way:

“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke‬ ‭5:31-32‬) ‭

When I was scrubbing the dry skin off the feet of my neighbors, it seemed to help for me to talk about how much time someone else spent working on scrubbing the dry skin off of my feet. I wanted my friends to know that we are in the same boat. We are both people with dirty feet, cracked dry skin and calluses. And we are also all people who are equally in need of the spiritual washing that Jesus offers. 

After washing we enjoyed painting our toenails together. Their children LOVED seeing their moms with bright, shiny toenails. I am thankful for these amazing hardworking women who I have the privilege of calling my neighbors and my friends! And I am thankful that we all have a Savior, Jesus, who came to call sinful people like us and washes us, making us clean, beautiful and righteous in Him. 

When things don’t make sense

Yesterday, my husband, David, and I were both in town at the same time and we both had valid visas. We had been getting notices to upgrade our SIM cards to 4G and we wanted to switch one of the SIM cards to be registered under my visa. When your visa expires, your SIM card gets switched off. It doesn’t matter if you have already applied for your visa renewal and have submitted many documents that keep getting requested as your visa application is deferred multiple times. My visa was finally approved and processed after a couple trips to immigration. Since David’s visa will expire in a few months and he will go through this whole process, we thought it would be wise to switch my SIM card to depend on my visa which is good for 2 years now. 

After standing in line at the customer service center for over an hour, the woman upgraded David’s SIM and then told us to go sit and began helping another customer. I was confused and frustrated. I asked another man who worked there, why we were sent to sit when we had not yet accomplished what we came to do. He went and spoke with the grumpy woman and came back and told me that you can only do one thing with a passport per day. Since David had already upgraded his SIM card, we would need to come back another day to transfer the other SIM to my name. I explained (some might say argued) that we didn’t want to use his passport, we just wanted them to register to the number with my passport. Apparently that would still count as using his passport since the SIM had been registered under his passport. At this point I was a little more obviously annoyed when I asked something like,”So you are telling me that we both need to come back another day, stand in line for more than an hour to switch the SIM card to my passport and then return on a THIRD day and stand in line for another hour or more to upgrade my SIM card?!?” The answer was a straightforward, “yes.” 

As we left I was still annoyed, but trying to not let this ruin the day. While we were sitting down for lunch, David said, “It’s kind of funny when you are the one who is angry.” We had recently had some situations where it was the other way around and I had pointed out his irritability. 

Later that same day, I stayed in town to visit with a friend and let one of our kids go to a birthday party. My other children who were with me were incredibly patient as they waited for hours at various points throughout the day. I thanked them on the way home and one of them said, “We’ve had lots of practice.” 

Reflecting on my impatience and irritability in the SIM card situation and then seeing how patient my children were was humbling. As I was thinking about this, the parable of the unmerciful servant from Matthew 18:21-35 came to mind. In this parable Jesus answers the question about how many times we should forgive others with a story. A man with a huge debt was going to be imprisoned because he could not pay. But after begging for mercy, the man was forgiven of his debt. That same former debtor, then went to another man who owed him a small sum. And because the debtor with the small debt could not pay, he was imprisoned. 

Now when it comes to someone apologizing for something, I know that I need to forgive. This story comes to mind and I remember that I have been forgiven much by the Lord and need to also forgive the person apologizing. But this morning it occurred to me that this same principle applies in the Customer Service Center. God has been patient, gracious and merciful toward me. And yet with other people (who make me stand in line for hours on multiple days) I can be impatient and irritable. When we tried putting the new SIM card in and it did not even work, my anger reared its head again. 

It is easy to see things that don’t work, difficult situations and even difficult people and then respond by having an irritable, complaining attitude. But when I am easily annoyed with others, I am being like that unmerciful servant. Even though the “one action” passport policy doesn’t make any sense to me, it does not show others that I have received the loving, patient, mercy and grace of God when I grumble and complain. Philippians 2:14 reminds us to do “everything without complaining or arguing.” Does “everything” really mean dealing with difficult people and ridiculous policies? I think it does. And as I continue to struggle with my attitude in those situations, I am reminded of how patient God has been with me. Growing up I learned a song that we would sing when we were getting irritable. It was sung by Herbert (the Snail), aka Frank Hernandez. Here are the words: 

“Have patience, have patience, don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember, that God has patience too and think of all the times when others have to wait for you.”

In these moments of life when I tend to be annoyed, I am learning to ask God to help me remember how much patience and grace I have received and to give me the ability to respond more like Him. 

Thoughts about dog excrement

This morning I woke very early with many concerns running through my mind. After lying in bed and talking with God about them, I finally decided to get up and read. Lately I have been rereading Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a Weary World, by Rebecca Reynolds. It is an excellent book and has met me in the midst of challenging times and wrestling with God. 

As I walked out to the living room to read, a terrible odor struck me. Since I was still waking I just thought the dog smelled bad, but as I walked across the rug, I stepped in something slimy. I realized that the dog had diarrhea all over the rug and another spot on the concrete floor, which of course splattered far. So I spent 4:30-5:00am cleaning up the nastiest thing. 

I can deal with bodily functions and illness from humans, because I love and value them. Dog bodily functions and especially when they are ill, are a different story. When a child of mine vomited all over me, it was gross and I needed to shower, but my bigger concern was that my child was sick.

As I was thinking about the horrible stench and working hard to remove it from my home, I began thinking about the stench of the brokenness of this world and the sin in my own heart. Rarely do I see my pride as vile as this liquid dog poop. But the stench of pride does more damage. When I get defensive or when I try to control things that are not mine to control, I damage more than the rug. I damage relationships. A rug is easier to fix. 

Right now, life on this earth stinks too. Much of the world is grieving and/or angry over what is happening in Ukraine. Two years of life have been significantly impacted by the pandemic. Friends are grieving the loss of loved ones. Others are dealing with the effects of abuse. Others are dealing with the impact of racism or poverty or a spouse that left. There is a lot of dog diarrhea in this life. So where is the hope? The reason to keep going? 

Rebecca Reynolds reminds us that we have a God who didn’t just look on this from a safe distance. He stepped into this broken, foul-smelling world and took all of that sin and suffering upon himself. When he was covered with our sin, filthy like dog diarrhea, he cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt.27:46) Even when I feel like I am alone, God is still with me. But the Father turned away from Jesus because he took on all of my sin and received what I deserved. Separation from the Father. He did that for me and for you! He did that because of Love! I am not alone as I walk through times of grief or struggle. I have a loving Lord who has experienced terrible grief. He walks with us through the valley. (Ps. 23:4) And one day, the stench will be over and all will be made new. I’m not really sure if this stench will come out of my rug before that day. But until the odor is gone, I will allow it to remind me of the amazing love of my God who took my filth upon himself and gave me his beautiful aroma. 

A mixed bag

Lately life has been full of both celebrations and struggles. It has been a bit emotionally exhausting, to tell the truth. It is difficult to process it all. While circumstances are varied, I am thankful that God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is good and works all things for our good even when the situations are difficult. 

Some recent fun experiences included Christmas celebrations with students, the women of Buwundo Beads, GSF kids, GSF staff, our missionary team, and our family, going on safari with our family and some friends, helping plan the events around a proposal for a friend, hosting a wedding and doing pre-marital counseling for some other friends, David starting online seminary classes, schools in Uganda reopening and taking our students on an overnight retreat that included team building, hiking and beach volleyball!. 

In the midst of these blessings we have also had some challenges like getting COVID and isolating as a family of 9, decorating for and hosting a wedding right after having COVID and feeling exhausted, tearing something in my hip playing basketball and having ongoing pain for over a month, our van braking down on the side of the road almost weekly, then finding out that our 30 year old van needs repairs costing more than it is worth, everyone around us needing money for school fees after two years of the economy significantly struggling  due to COVID restrictions, sending our two “foster kids” back to school (photo above), transitioning back to being a family of 7 for this season, making plans about transitioning Elijah to college life in the US, a good but emotional visit with birth family, one of our kids getting a significant wound needing stitches, grieving with a teammate who recently lost a family member, grieving that a friend who came to visit contracted malaria and it got so severe that he was in a coma in the ICU for several weeks and is still struggling to recover,  reconnecting with friends who came back to Uganda to visit and then saying goodbye again, and discussing and beginning to plan for a sabbatical year summer of 2023 through summer of 2024. 

The other day as I was in tears and sharing my many emotions about all of this with a friend, I realized that it is ok to be exhausted with all that has been going on. It is normal that it took a while to physically recover from COVID and it is normal to feel tired. It is not up to me to solve all of the challenges that have arisen in this season. I cannot. I am not God. There are some things that God has called me to do in His strength that are beyond my own abilities, but he will give me what I need to do those things. 

I don’t know if you are feeling weary too, but I want to remember that God has said, 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:28-31‬)

In the midst of the ups and downs of life, God’s faithfulness and loving care for me is constant. He will renew my strength. So as I start another day not knowing what it will hold, I do know that I will cling to Him.