Time to Practice

Yesterday morning, I woke early to finish writing my previous post about Isaiah 43 and my struggle with fear. Little did I know how I would need those truths in the day to come. On the previous day Evie had a fairly high fever, but no other obvious symptoms. We tested for malaria and it was negative. We assumed it was a viral fever that a friend had for about 24hours. When Evie woke and didn’t seem to have a fever we decided to go on to school and have Evie with the woman who cares for her while I teach in the mornings. At about 10am, while I was teaching my second class, our friend drove up to the school quickly. As I walked out of my classroom, I saw David running toward the clinic with Evie in his arms. As I ran to him, I saw that her eyes were rolled back and her body was limp. My heart nearly stopped. 

We quickly decided that we needed to take her to the clinic in town, so I went to get the van and returned to school. As I returned, I moved to sit in the back seat and David handed Evie to me. She was non-responsive and all I could do was hold her limp body and pray. David was driving us to the clinic as quickly as possible. I was alternating between praying for Evie and telling her how much I love her and God loves her when she began moaning and holding onto me a little bit. After a while she started saying, “Mama.” As we were on our way to town, the words of Isaiah 43 kept passing through my mind. 

“But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The clinic in Jinja did some bloodwork, and as we waited for the results I walked outside with Evie and sang Isaiah 43. By this time she had recovered significantly, but was hysterically crying from the several attempts to draw blood. The bloodwork did not show anything abnormal and the doctor referred us to Kampala. After another long drive and more tests, the doctor there determined that Evie had a febrile seizure brought on by a fever related to a throat infection. It was 8pm by the time we reached home. 

We certainly had a day that felt like passing through fire. I am thankful that God prepared my heart to survive that day by equipping me with the truths from the beginning of Isaiah 43. I can’t say that I went through the day without fear, but I can say that God was with me and He was my God and Savior in the midst of an extremely scary day. It occurs to me that the passage does not say, “if” you pass through the waters and “if” you walk through the fire. No, it and “when.”  Yesterday was one of those times for us. And my faithful God kept all of His promises. 

Do Not Fear

Over the past month or so, I have been struggling more than usual with fear and worry. The occasion this time is my tongue. About a month ago, I noticed some minor changes in the appearance of my tongue. That may sound like a strange reason to worry if you don’t know my history. Five and a half years ago, I had surgery to remove some pre-cancerous areas on my tongue. In the end about 10% of my tongue was removed from the side. It was a very painful recovery and due to some nerve damage, I have had a burning sensation on that part of my tongue ever since. There is an American dentist here in Uganda who has done check-ups ever since the surgery, so I went in to ask him to look at the spot. He said that some changes in appearance are normal as we age and he was not concerned about the appearance of it. Then I started back to school and got a cold. Those sound fairly normal for a teacher at this time of year, and they are. The problem is that as I use my tongue more, the pain increases. This has been the case since my surgery five and a half years ago. When I have a cold, I use my tongue more to clear my throat and swallow. When I teach, I obviously am using my tongue more for talking. This combination has led to a significant increase in that burning sensation on the area of my tongue where I had surgery. These tongue troubles have been the occasion for many of my recent struggles with fear. 

I say that these tongue troubles are the occasion for my struggle because I know that they are not the reason for my struggle with fear. The reason has much more to do with heart issues and less to do with the situation. My heart wants to know what the future holds. My heart fears going through difficult, painful times again. And my heart often spends more time looking at my circumstances than looking to my God who has promised to be with me through it all. 

This is why Isaiah 43 has been on my mind so much recently. In this passage, God reminds us that when we go through difficult times (passing through waters, waves, fire), He will be with us and will be our Savior. There is no promise that difficult times will not come. On the contrary, many passsages in Scripture tell us that we will experience trials, difficulties and challenges in this life. Our hope is not in the absence of problems, but in the One who has promised to be with us. God, who created us, knows us, loves us and has called us by name, promises to be with us and to be our Savior in the midst of the difficult times that will come. 

The question that I have to ask myself is this? Will I look at the water, the waves and the fire and live in fear, or will I look to my Savior in faith? I continue to struggle with my natural tendency of fear, but God is strengthening my faith and teaching me to focus on who He is, and what He has promised in His Word. So today, I am asking God to give me faith to believe that the waves will not overcome me. I am asking him to help me not fear, for He is my Lord and is with me. 

“But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-3

Adoption!!!

(Above photo from our first day of school)

Today is the day! Evie is now permanently a member of our family! It is hard to believe it is finally true! For two years she has been our foster daughter and we have been working toward and looking forward to this day. The judge has granted our petition for adoption, but the written ruling had the wrong birthdate, so it feels a little anticlimactic right now. We are still waiting for the paperwork to get sorted, but we are celebrating!

I told Evie that she is now officially adopted. That doesn’t really mean anything to her, partly because she is only 2 years old and partly because she has been with our famil since she was 6 months old. As I was thinking about the significance of Evie’s adoption, I thought of some things that I want her to always know. First, I want her to know that she is completely loved by her parents and will always be a member of our family. Nothing will ever change that. Secondly, I want her to know that as our daughter, all we have is hers. She already calls our home “Evie’s House” and our van “Evie’s car.” Thirdly, I want her to know that her brothers and sister love her so much and she will always be one of the Fish kids. It is so beautiful to see the way they care for her and she has started calling Ezra and Zeke “my boys.” If they have gone to play with friends she will say, “Where are my boys?” Finally, I want her to know that she does not need to worry or fear because we will care for all of her needs. It is beautiful to see the way she trusts us. Sometimes it is a little scary, like when she climbs up high and then just dives, trusting me to catch her. 

It occurs to me that God wants me to trust Him in that way and know these same things about being adopted into His family. I want to remember that nothing “will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39) I have been adopted into God’s family and I have brothers and sisters who are committed to loving me. God has also said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."(Hebrews 13:5) There are some beautiful truths in Galatians that have even more meaning to me now. 

“But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” (‭‭Galatians‬ ‭4:4-7‬ ‭ESV)

Evie knows that her father loves her and has no fear to ask, “Daddy, can I have an ice cream?” Her father delights in giving her good gifts. How much more can I trust and freely approach my Heavenly Father? I hope and pray that Evie will be secure in her adoption and the love we have for her. I also pray that I will find that security, love, trust, joy and rest in the adoption I have from my Heavenly Father through Jesus. 

Some answers

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭

Recently God has redirected our steps in several ways. We had plans about what we thought this school year would look like. We had a teacher we were expecting to join us and several fewer students in mind when we began our plans. But God has determined our steps and blessed us with many new families at our school. While we had no idea what God was doing, he was preparing the heart of teacher named Miss Blake to come to Uganda for the summer and eventually to visit GSF and agree to serve with us filling in our need for a teacher beginning in January. We are so excited to have Miss Blake join our teaching team, and she was already able to join us for our back-to school, team-building retreat! Below is a photo from a great trip! 

She has also committed to teaching with us for at least the following two school years. This week she will head back to the US to prepare to join us in January. This answer to our prayers is so much greater than we could have ever imagined!

Another thing we have been praying about is Evie’s adoption. This morning, as we were preparing for the first day of regular classes for our school year, David got a message from the clerk of the court asking if he could come in this morning. David came up with some ideas about how to get his upperclassmen started on a few assignments and then went to town with hopes of being back in time for his later classes. It all worked out and David was able to meet with the clerk about when we are coming to receive the adoption ruling, how many copies of the ruling will be needed, and to make sure the names on the ruling will match the passport, and a few other details. It was an encouraging meeting, and it sounds like we will likely have a positive adoption ruling on August 19. We aren’t celebrating yet, but we are hopeful. Please continue to pray with us! 

All of these unexpected and last-minute changes of our plans, have reminded me of this verse above. We had plans of what we thought this school year would look like, but God has determined our steps, and we are thankful! His ways are much better than our ways. It doesn't always feel that way, particularly when we need to scramble to reorganize things. But God has graciously shown us ways that He is working for our good as He determines our steps.