Lockdown

   Some words that used to sound daunting have now become our new normal. Lock-down. Quarantine. Here in Uganda, the government has shut down all transportation other than cargo transport. People are allowed to walk and ride bicycles, but they are not permitted to go to work unless they are working out in the field as farmers or are going to camp at their place of work. The few stores that remain open sell food and other essential items like pharmacies. Many people who depend on their daily or weekly income to feed their families are without food. All schools, churches and mosques are closed. There is 7 pm curfew that has been violently enforced by local defense units (LDUs). People are not permitted to marry unless the wedding is less than 10 people. Burials, which are traditionally a big gathering of the community in support of the family, are supposed to be done by the immediate family alone. People have to get special permission to get transport to a hospital. I got word that a friend's grandson died of malaria before the family was able to get him to a hospital due to these restrictions. Since we live on a compound with a children's home, we are not even permitted to go visit with our neighbors. I am really missing the women from my village Bible study group. I am able to talk to my closest neighbor through the locked gate from a distance, but I look forward to the day I can freely walk around our village and hug my friends again. The government has announced that these restrictions will remain in place until at least the fifth of May.

   While these restrictions sound extreme, Uganda does seem to be successfully avoiding the spread of COVID-19. As of now there have been only 55 cases diagnosed in Uganda with many tests being conducted daily. Almost all of the cases were people who entered the country before the borders were closed. Most of these cases were identified while the person was at the airport or in quarantine. There are a very few who contracted the disease within Uganda and the government has been following up with every person who was in contact with those people. No one has died of the disease and 20 people have fully recovered. I am impressed at how much more efficient Uganda is at managing the spread of this disease than places like Europe and North America. At the same time the protective measures that have been put in place take their toll.

   In the midst of all of this, I have had some rough days. We are trying to continue with the education of our students through various distance learning platforms. I am learning how to communicate with my students through Google Classroom, send videos of lessons that I wish I could teach, try to teach some things through zoom classes and help our students learn to do all this from a distance. I feel woefully inadequate. I am trying to keep up, but I am quickly overwhelmed. I am also trying to make sure my own children are keeping up with their classes. My sense of identity as being a capable teacher has certainly been shattered.

   The usual household responsibilities have also been overwhelming. The days when I need to get food are often the hardest. I need to communicate with several different people, none of whom have English as a first language, to get food from two different supermarkets, the central market for fruits and vegetables, the dairy, and the bakery. I need to send mobile money to each of these places and communicate with a friend who organizes a boda driver who can pick up and deliver these items. Once we have these items, we need the time to do things like make the spaghetti sauce from the tomatoes we bought. Right now I really struggle with coveting the simplicity of Amazon delivery or even being able to drive to Publix and buy a jar of spaghetti sauce. One day while I was working on some of this communication to get groceries, I thought Evie was playing in the living room, but I found that she had gone into the girls’ room. She told me she had gone to dress up as “the scariest.”
It is a good thing she is so cute because I am still trying to get this lipstick out of her shirt 3 days later. I have also set up a schedule so that the 6 oldest children are all able to help with cooking, cleaning and caring for Evie, but implementing the schedule is difficult and I often get irritable when the chores don't get done, or Evie creates another big mess. I want to be patient and gracious as we all are struggling to figure out this new routine, but I often fail. My sense of identity that comes from being a capable homemaker for my family has also been lost.

   I had hoped that during this time when we are all together more, I would be able to connect more with each member of my family. There have been days when I have set apart time to focus on each individual child. I was even able to make some time to have a dinner "date" with my husband, by the two of us eating outside and having time to connect. Although that date went well in the end, it began with me being irritable about "no one helping me to get dinner on the table." I needed to confess my bad attitude and be reconciled before we could enjoy our time together. One of my children noticed how stressed I was and reached out to encourage me. I responded by being defensive and argumentative. Again, more confession and reconciliation needed. I cannot count how many times I have had to say that I'm sorry for being easily angered. My sense of identity that was wrapped up in being a loving wife and mother has also been destroyed.

   So what am I left with? These are my main roles in life right now and I am certainly not succeeding. A sweet friend reminded me that I am a loved child of God, a daughter of the King of the Universe, and that is enough. Being a Christian is acknowledging that I am not enough on my own, that I can't measure up, but that Christ has done it for me. I don't know why I keep trying to see myself as able to do it on my own. This time of lock-down has reminded me that I am not loved because of what I do. I am loved because I have been graciously loved by a perfectly loving Heavenly Father who has chosen to show His love to me. I am His. That is enough. That is what I need to go back to and remember and rest in. That love and grace can flow through me to my family when I first humble myself and remember how He has loved me. As many of us lose the sense of identity that we may have found in some of our work in the past, I pray that we learn to rest in our identity in Christ alone. And it is my prayer that the work we do in this time will flow out of the love and grace we have received from Him.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”‭‭ (1 John‬ ‭3:1)