Thoughts about dog excrement

This morning I woke very early with many concerns running through my mind. After lying in bed and talking with God about them, I finally decided to get up and read. Lately I have been rereading Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a Weary World, by Rebecca Reynolds. It is an excellent book and has met me in the midst of challenging times and wrestling with God. 

As I walked out to the living room to read, a terrible odor struck me. Since I was still waking I just thought the dog smelled bad, but as I walked across the rug, I stepped in something slimy. I realized that the dog had diarrhea all over the rug and another spot on the concrete floor, which of course splattered far. So I spent 4:30-5:00am cleaning up the nastiest thing. 

I can deal with bodily functions and illness from humans, because I love and value them. Dog bodily functions and especially when they are ill, are a different story. When a child of mine vomited all over me, it was gross and I needed to shower, but my bigger concern was that my child was sick.

As I was thinking about the horrible stench and working hard to remove it from my home, I began thinking about the stench of the brokenness of this world and the sin in my own heart. Rarely do I see my pride as vile as this liquid dog poop. But the stench of pride does more damage. When I get defensive or when I try to control things that are not mine to control, I damage more than the rug. I damage relationships. A rug is easier to fix. 

Right now, life on this earth stinks too. Much of the world is grieving and/or angry over what is happening in Ukraine. Two years of life have been significantly impacted by the pandemic. Friends are grieving the loss of loved ones. Others are dealing with the effects of abuse. Others are dealing with the impact of racism or poverty or a spouse that left. There is a lot of dog diarrhea in this life. So where is the hope? The reason to keep going? 

Rebecca Reynolds reminds us that we have a God who didn’t just look on this from a safe distance. He stepped into this broken, foul-smelling world and took all of that sin and suffering upon himself. When he was covered with our sin, filthy like dog diarrhea, he cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt.27:46) Even when I feel like I am alone, God is still with me. But the Father turned away from Jesus because he took on all of my sin and received what I deserved. Separation from the Father. He did that for me and for you! He did that because of Love! I am not alone as I walk through times of grief or struggle. I have a loving Lord who has experienced terrible grief. He walks with us through the valley. (Ps. 23:4) And one day, the stench will be over and all will be made new. I’m not really sure if this stench will come out of my rug before that day. But until the odor is gone, I will allow it to remind me of the amazing love of my God who took my filth upon himself and gave me his beautiful aroma. 

A mixed bag

Lately life has been full of both celebrations and struggles. It has been a bit emotionally exhausting, to tell the truth. It is difficult to process it all. While circumstances are varied, I am thankful that God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He is good and works all things for our good even when the situations are difficult. 

Some recent fun experiences included Christmas celebrations with students, the women of Buwundo Beads, GSF kids, GSF staff, our missionary team, and our family, going on safari with our family and some friends, helping plan the events around a proposal for a friend, hosting a wedding and doing pre-marital counseling for some other friends, David starting online seminary classes, schools in Uganda reopening and taking our students on an overnight retreat that included team building, hiking and beach volleyball!. 

In the midst of these blessings we have also had some challenges like getting COVID and isolating as a family of 9, decorating for and hosting a wedding right after having COVID and feeling exhausted, tearing something in my hip playing basketball and having ongoing pain for over a month, our van braking down on the side of the road almost weekly, then finding out that our 30 year old van needs repairs costing more than it is worth, everyone around us needing money for school fees after two years of the economy significantly struggling  due to COVID restrictions, sending our two “foster kids” back to school (photo above), transitioning back to being a family of 7 for this season, making plans about transitioning Elijah to college life in the US, a good but emotional visit with birth family, one of our kids getting a significant wound needing stitches, grieving with a teammate who recently lost a family member, grieving that a friend who came to visit contracted malaria and it got so severe that he was in a coma in the ICU for several weeks and is still struggling to recover,  reconnecting with friends who came back to Uganda to visit and then saying goodbye again, and discussing and beginning to plan for a sabbatical year summer of 2023 through summer of 2024. 

The other day as I was in tears and sharing my many emotions about all of this with a friend, I realized that it is ok to be exhausted with all that has been going on. It is normal that it took a while to physically recover from COVID and it is normal to feel tired. It is not up to me to solve all of the challenges that have arisen in this season. I cannot. I am not God. There are some things that God has called me to do in His strength that are beyond my own abilities, but he will give me what I need to do those things. 

I don’t know if you are feeling weary too, but I want to remember that God has said, 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:28-31‬)

In the midst of the ups and downs of life, God’s faithfulness and loving care for me is constant. He will renew my strength. So as I start another day not knowing what it will hold, I do know that I will cling to Him. 

Time Away

Last weekend I went to Kampala with a friend and took some time away from home to pray, read God’s Word and rest. It was a very encouraging time. I spent the weekend reflecting on the book of Philippians. As I read the perspective of the apostle Paul, I was reminded that in the midst of challenging seasons, I need to cling to God’s faithfulness. 

One of the things that struck me was how Paul continually encourages the Philippians to “rejoice in the Lord.” (Phil. 3:1) I know that rejoicing is not my natural tendency. But we are told that rejoicing in the Lord is a “safeguard” for us. As I look at the world around me I see corruption, hunger, abuse, and death. But as the psalms encourage me, I need to “lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?” (Psalm 121:1) If I keep focusing on the suffering, I fail to see the Savior, the One who brings help in our need. I want to lift up my eyes and fix them on Jesus.. (Heb.12:2) 

I returned from the weekend and was able to rejoice in the Lord a bit more than before. This is not a very linear process for me. I have days where I can rejoice in the midst of struggles and other days where my heart is overwhelmed with grief. Two days after I returned from Kampala there were two suicide bombs detonated in the city and others that were stopped before they could be set off. The city where I had gone for rest just two days before had become a place of chaos, confusion, death and grief. Such is the world in which we live. 

I was reminded that our rest is not found in this world. True rest and peace are found only in Jesus. Today, I cling to him more as I grieve the brokenness. It is my prayer that I can truly “rejoice in the Lord,” even while we grieve over the brokenness. As my Ugandan brothers and sisters often remind me, “God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.”

Thanksgiving and Suffering

Our transition back to life here in Uganda has not been easy sailing. While there is always a readjustment period in transitioning between worlds, this time has been the hardest I remember. While it has been a challenging season, I have seen some ways in which God is at work. 

Yesterday David was asked to speak at the GSF staff Thanksgiving Day. He taught about how we can glorify God through good times and times of suffering. He explained that if our goal is our happiness, suffering just seems to get in the way, but our true goal should be to glorify God. When our aim is the glory of God we can “give thanks in all circumstances.” That doesn’t mean that times of suffering are easy. As he spoke about Jesus waiting to answer Mary and Martha’s request to come heal their brother out of love for them, tears came to my own eyes. The seasons of waiting are hard. They are painful and often full of grief. The resurrection was coming, but Jesus still wept with Mary at the tomb of Lazarus. He knew that he allowed the season of suffering and waiting in his love for them, but he still wept. 

It is so good to know that we have a God who weeps with us. These last two years have been difficult across the globe. But Jesus stands with us as we weep and even uses the seasons of suffering to bring new life in us. I have seen that in my husband. He has become an amazing preacher in the midst of a challenging season. His teaching at the staff Thanksgiving Day was a blessing to many. He preaches at our church about once a month and I am always encouraged by his teaching. Our church is a small group of people meeting underneath a mango tree, so his sermons are not recorded. But I wish they were. I wish you could also be encouraged by the way he clearly articulates the Word of God and applies it in our lives. 

This growing gift in David has developed in the midst of some challenging times. I wish I could tell you that I see how I have grown through this season. Mostly, I see my failures and weakness. Maybe that is growth as I learn not to depend on my own strength, but on the Lord.

David concluded his talk with Philippians 4:11b-13. 

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:11-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I certainly cannot yet claim with the apostle Paul that I have learned to be content in every situation. I often complain. I often struggle to believe that God is good when I see some of the terrible things that happen in this world. But I was encouraged seeing a small picture of the good that God is working in the midst of the hard. It is my prayer that He will give me the faith to desire his glory above my own plans and to trust Him in the difficult seasons of waiting. 

Feeling Thankful!

Today has been pretty stressful. We were finishing packing our containers, buying our last few supplies and waiting for negative COVID test results in order to fly back to Uganda. About one hour before we needed to start driving to the airport we received six negative test results. The problem is, there are seven of us. And we aren’t about to leave one of our kids behind. For some reason we just never got the test results for one of our kids. So we got in the van that was pulling the trailer with all of our baggage and asked for prayers. I kept checking and the test results just never came. 

As we were driving to the Atlanta airport, I asked a friend to send me the info she had found for us about a rapid testing center near the airport in case our results didn’t come through in time. The problem was that they only process one test at a time and it takes 30 minutes each. That really adds up if you are running 7 tests. But thankfully we only needed one! We arrived at the testing center 3 hours before our flight was supposed to take off. That is usually when we try to get to the airport for International flights. We had a little trouble finding the place because the tests were being done as a drive through in a parking lot across the street from where they process the tests. Then we had to wait in a line of cars. Then there was confusion since they do both 24 hour tests and 30 minute tests. When we finally got the test run and paid for it was about 2 and a half hours before take-off. And we needed to have the results arrive before check-in. 

As we arrived at the airport our kids were AMAZING! They helped get all 21 containers out of the trailer, to the counter and checked, took care of Evie, and did it all cheerfully! It was very stressful getting there, but as I saw my children all being so helpful and capable, I was encouraged. The women who were at the counter checking our baggage were also very helpful, kind and efficient. At some point while we were getting all of that done, the email arrived from the rapid test center confirming the seventh negative COVID test! 

Our kids navigated security, helped us find our gate, bought snacks for the younger kids and even helped me with my carry-on. As we reached the gate, showed our negative tests and got ready to board, I breathed a sigh of relief. We are now waiting for take off. Thank you all for your prayers! We are so grateful! Now I need to sit back and enjoy the flight! 

Heading Back

This summer in the US has been a blessing in many ways. It has given us time to make some great memories as a family. It has given us time to reconnect with our family and friends on this side of the ocean. And it has given us some time to process some of the more challenging aspects of living abroad. 

But now it is time to head back to Uganda and get back to work. School is supposed to begin next week. Since all schools in Uganda are closed due to COVID, we will again need to begin the school year with distance learning. We are working on ways to best support our students while still following the guidelines given by the government. I had hoped this juggling was behind us, but it will likely be some time before things are fully open in Uganda again. 

As we prepare to fly out this week, we have goodbyes to say, supplies to buy, containers to pack and COVID tests to get for travel. I was a little shocked when I realized how much it is going to cost our family of 7 to get the tests required to fly back. Shopping is also stressful for me due to the many decisions to make and feeling the stress of spending money. I worried about spending money before moving to Uganda, but now it is hard for me to buy something without thinking how the cost of this item compares to the cost of school fees for a child in Uganda. God has always provided more than our needs; I shouldn’t worry. But I do. 

All of this can be overwhelming in the best of circumstances. But right now I am feeling weary. My heart is heavy with many struggles. I’m trying to keep going and praying that God will give me the strength I need for each moment. But I also want to ask for your prayers for my family and me. I’m thankful that many of you love and support our family through good times and hard times. Right now feels like the latter. My biggest prayer is that my whole family will know more of the love and comfort of Christ through this challenging season. I am thankful that Jesus has said, 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I pray that we will all know the comfort and rest He offers in the midst of challenging seasons. Thanks for your prayers! 

Flexibility

This morning I woke with some back pains. It happens as you get older, especially if you are stubborn like me and try to keep doing all the things you used to be able to do. I have learned that stretching often helps reduce some of the pain. The stretching itself may be slightly painful at the time, but it helps in the long run. As I sit here stretching while I write, I think about the flexibility we have learned and are learning. 

Living overseas can be a crash course in flexibility. Learning new things can be hard and even painful at times. The COVID pandemic has also shown us our need for increased flexibility. We learned to do school online, to have meetings via zoom, and to come up with creative solutions in many challenging situations. Even our family road trip helped us grow in flexibility. We learned to live together in an RV for a month, learned to find campgrounds and parking lots to overnight, and learned to overlook a lot of little offenses. All of these “opportunities for growth” in flexibility have certainly had their share of pain associated with them. Sometimes the pain is slight and sometimes it is a bit overwhelming. 

We have another opportunity to grow in this flexibility as it has become apparent that our family needs to stay here in the US for another couple of weeks. I am in the process of trying to change our flights yet again. The plan now is for us to land in Uganda a couple days before we start back to school. We are still trying to figure out if we will be able to meet with our students in person. Uganda has just come out of another COVID lockdown, and schools are not supposed to open until a “sufficient percentage of students ages 12-18 have been vaccinated.” It isn’t clear what that percentage is and the vaccines are not even available for students in Uganda at this time. So, it looks like it will be another school year requiring a high level of flexibility and creativity. 

We are still working on changing flights, figuring out where we will stay, how to cover our responsibilities in Uganda and beginning to think about how we can prepare for the school year. There is a lot of juggling and stretching going on. Please pray that as we are stretched, we will cling to the consistent, faithful loving-care of our Heavenly Father. While everything feels confusing and out of sorts, He is our constant. I pray that you also will find comfort in Him in the midst of whatever challenges you are facing today.