Sleepless Nights

 I don't know if you are like me, but I sometimes wake in the night worrying about too many things and struggle to fall back asleep. Recently I have been reading the book Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World by Max Lucado. I am really enjoying the book and needing to apply several of his insights. Last night as I lay in bed with a million things running through my mind, I remembered Max's reflection on Philippians 4:8 that I had just read. 

 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

He makes the point that what we choose to think about affects the level of peace we experience. He says, "You can be the air traffic controller of your mental airport." I can choose which thoughts I want to dwell on. And God's Word reminds me that one of the secrets to contentment is to focus on the blessings, the gifts. 

As I laid in bed filled with questions and worries, I remembered that I can choose what I think about. I started thanking God for the beautiful sunset that evening, for dinner with my family, for a bed to sleep in each night, for the ways that I see God at work in the lives of each of my family members. I laid in bed thanking God for these things that are excellent and praiseworthy. To be honest, even in the midst of intentionally thanking God, worries would creep in. I had to continually redirect my mind, but eventually the peace of God calmed my mind enough that I could sleep. 

Right now there seems to be so much chaos and so many things in the world that feel overwhelming. The uncertainties associated with the COVID pandemic, have changed life for us all. I just feel exhausted most of the time. I am asking God to help me choose to focus more on His faithfulness and many blessings. In another chapter, Lucado says, "I dare you to expose your worries to an hour of worship." In the midst of the challenges we all face, I pray that God will give us the strength to worship Him and think about the excellent things He has done and is doing. 

This morning’s beautiful sunrise reminded me of this verse.

 “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations‬ ‭3:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

May we all have eyes to see his mercies this morning and the ability to focus on the true, pure, excellent and beautiful things. 

An Unexpected COVID Blessing

 While this past year has brought many challenges related to the COVID pandemic, today I saw a beautiful blessing. Over the past year I have not been able to join the women in my Buwundo Beads and Crafts group for Bible study, prayer or even purchasing their crafts in person. Since we live on a campus with vulnerable children, we have had to be extra careful about COVID exposure. For me, this has meant limiting my time visiting in the village. In addition, our school has grown and I have continued working as a full-time teacher and administrator. The challenges of teaching in new ways with distance learning and providing support for school families and teachers has taken much of my time and attention. 

Once the government of Uganda allowed churches and small gatherings to resume, I began thinking of ways to shift my involvement in Buwundo Beads and Crafts. We have a close friend, Privah, who is better equipped to serve in this role than I am. She is Ugandan, speaks the language more fluently, knows the culture better, and over the past few years has gone through training to teach the Bible. She is now working on her social work degree. Since she has worked with our family in other roles for seven years, she was was willing to shift her responsibilities and take on the leadership of this group. 

When I went to meet with the women today, I was greatly encouraged. The women are all participating in discussion related to the passage they are studying. One of the women has learned to read from Privah and now is able to read her Bible. Hearing Privah teach these women was so beautiful and encouraging. She does an excellent job of teaching God's Word and addressing real practical ways that it applies to their daily lives. As I left, I was so thankful that God used COVID and additional school responsibilities to help move me more to the backstage and shift Privah into this leadership role. God is gracious and faithful in using challenging seasons to work for good. I am excited to see the way His kingdom is growing. 

Transitions

Life overseas is full of transitions. We are regularly saying goodbye to friends or family and preparing for a new season. It is hard. Right now our family is feeling more than the usual transitional stress. In one week, the two teenagers who have been with our family for over a year go back to their boarding school. We will miss them and our family dynamics at home will change again. Additionally, we do not know when this school term will end and if we will be around. Our family is planning to travel to the US during our summer break. We will be visiting colleges and universities with Elijah. It will be our last summer together in the states before he goes away to school. My heart is struggling with this upcoming transition. 

In addition to these personal transitions, our school is also in transition. We have two families in our school who are moving to the US this summer. Our younger boys are going to really miss some of their good friends. We also have several new families expressing interest in our school, some who are currently in country and some who are moving to Uganda for the first time. At the same time, one of our teachers is not returning. It is not only a logistical challenge to determine which needs we will be able to meet, but it is also an emotional one.  Most of our students are also processing these transitions in various ways. Additionally, some of our students are in transition even in their own families. Many of our students are adopted or in process and are at various stages of processing those transitions. While adoption is a beautiful thing, it also comes out of brokenness and loss. 

As someone who often takes on other's pain and wants to take care of them, I am struggling. I know that many in our family and in our school simply need time to grieve all of these losses. I also need time to grieve. It is hard to process all of this transition and loss. 

As I process this on the heels of Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday, I am reminded that we have a God who has experienced loss and grief. Jesus lost friends, one even betrayed him. Hebrews 4 reminds us:

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4:14-16)

It is my hope that in this time of transitional struggle, we will draw near to Christ and be comforted by his love mercy and grace. With the way COVID has changed the world, I'm sure we are not the only ones dealing with transitional stress. It is my hope and prayer that the challenges of this season will enable many of us to see more clearly our need for the comfort of Jesus Christ. While things in this life are always in transition, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)